Forgiveness and the first day of Aidilfitri

*me totally feeling the raya*

I dont know about you but First day of Raya afternoons are always naptime for me, sometimes Im not even tired but opps, naptime, ciao people.

(K no la Im not that rude I wait for the first wave of guest to go back and all) 

This year, I cut my nap short to blog a little. I've been getting the raya feels a lot this year, and Im not sure why but it feels good. Perhaps its because I've been working and I come home tired but I have to help out and cook and prepare for the open house because 1. We're pretty much maidless , 2. No caterers this year, just ordering in some food and 3. If not I get teased that I sibuk nak kahwin but 'how to kahwin if you don't cook clean all, if you get malay husband die one, if kena balik kampung dia lagi la, don't you want to have good relations with your mother in law etc etc' 

So a lot has been put into this year, maybe I just wanna see that it all sums up to a good celebration with family. I think its also that its my second last raya before I (insyaAllah) fly off. And also since its very concentrated on family, no boys messing with my life this year lol (makes a huge difference!) 

I went to Solat Raya with Dina, my little sister, and it was pretty emotional. I slipped in that we have one more year to do this together and insyaAllah we both wont be on our periods next year so we can pray together and stuff. Spent the whole khutbah hugging each other. When we got home, we got to the usual photo taking sessions at my Wans house. This is technically my kampung but its in Wangsa Maju, which is bam smack in Kuala Lumpur, so its not very kampung-ish but hey, Ill take what I can get, Alhamdullilah, that means 4 grandparents who are still around. After photo sessions were done, we started the whole salam salam asking for forgiveness routine.

Ok, so heres one thing I dont get. I understand that its good to have an annual day of apologising, a day to set all the scales back to 0-0 but, I dont know, it seems a little insincere to me? Like, why are you saying sorry, because its a public holiday? Because thats what we do? If so, do you really mean it? I mean, what does it even mean to be sorry about something? Or are you just using this as an oppurtunity to get clean and feel better about yourself? And what about if you are on the other side, what if whatever it is isn't forgiven? What if its not really 0-0? Does it make you a downright bitch to not forgive someone on this day even if you really don't feel like it. I mean, bandaids don't fix bullet holes and all that Taylor Swift Bad Blood stuff. I mean Im not talking about the passing 'maaf zahir dam batin', Im talking about like, if you really do have somethong to apologise for you know?

Still haven't answered all my questions about this, Im convinced I will with time, but as for now, Im not thinking too much about it. 

Nevertheless I totally cried during my salam raya. I have the tendency to want to admit the things that I did to my parents because I feel like that is sincerity? But this year it got a bit too emotional for me, haih, Im turning into an old emotional lady already lah. 

Still got some nice pictures !

*displayed here is a very gigih SPM student*

*so you giving us the money or nah*

Alhamdullilah because I feel incredibly loved this year, spending time with family and having so many friends to be thankful for. If you are celebrating, I hope you are feeling just as special, and if you are not, I hope you are having an equally good day. 

Okay , kitchen duty calls. Go load up on all that rendang and cookies !!!

Love,

Mirr