Intro to pole

You never really forget your first pole sit

"Hands up high above your head, you want to hoist yourself up, cross one leg above the other" Lauren, my instructor tells the class "let go of your hands then SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE"

You never really forget your first pole sit because that burn between your thighs... oh baby

On friday practise I (along with other beginners) go to the studio to practise our sits. We tell our friends in the studio 'Dammit! That hurts!' We tell the more experienced polers it hurts, as if they dont already know. We ask them if it'll ever stop hurting and they laugh (cause it wont)

But they also tell us that the pole will make us stronger. 

They were right

Pole gets a bad rep. Its known to be a 'sexy dance' and a lot of people forget all the strength and resilience that the art demands. Heck I know some people wouldn't even consider it a sport. I mean, you try invert into a crucifix and tell me that its not a sport. Its one hell of a demanding sport; theres a lot of core strength, flexibility and pain tolerance involved. Theres a lot of technique, a WHOLE LOT of getting to know your body, a lot of trusting yourself. And OF COURSE its sexy, but its so much more than that.

Its so much more than that to me.

See Im not the sporty type. Im not even the healthy type, I remember not being able to lift up a vacuum. I remember idealising a stick thin body figure to the point that Id starve myself for it, challenge myself to see how long I could go without food. I had a point when my relationship with food and my body was so bad I needed to get help for it, and even after that was over, I still kept obsessing over weighing scales and body figures and beat myself up about gaining a kilogram. 

When I started pole that changed. I think at that point my eating habits were alright but my mindset was still 'Mira you ate so much, BAD!'. My mindset was still structured to think skinny = achievement. So what changed when I started pole was I started associating achievements with acing that spin/nailing that invert/holding that pose. I started worrying less about being skinny and focused more on being stronger, and its such a rewarding sport because you have to take the time to get to know the way your body was made. You come back every week and you can clearly track your progress and witness your body change. I think the transformation your body goes through with pole is one of the most obvious and rewarding things anyone can go through. And its not a competitive sport so its just you, your body, your mind and the pole. 

On top of the nature of the sport being so rewarding and positive, I started pole in UCL and the society is one of the most open, supportive and helpful bunch of people Ive met to date. You forgot to shave your armpits? Thats cool. You're not a size two? Who cares. You wanna go pray before you pole it up? No thats not weird. Every Friday the committee sets the poles up and members can come in and out whenever you want, practising any move you want, so its the time polers from all different levels meet each other. Not once have I struggled with a move and not had someone with more experience come to help me out. Every time you nail something, someone cheers. Everybody is happy to offer to teach what they know and show you the way around the poles. And you can find people from everywhere, from all types of backgrounds and stories. The society welcomes anyone and everyone.

I have nothing but good things to say about pole and this years committee. This years committee has worked so hard to facilitate everyones growth and learning, and make sure theres lots of glitter in the process. I couldn't have had a more caring and lovely bunch of people welcoming me into this art that I love, and if any of you are reading this thank youuuu sooooo muchhhhh

Im so happy I found pole, and Im so happy with where its got me with my body and mind. Im the heaviest I've been in my life, but Im also the strongest and pole has taught me to be comfortable with looking at my chunky lumpy bits in the mirror and count what matters- and that is being able to rely on yourself to pull yourself up when you're upside down. 

Heres to more happy years on and off the pole

Love from London,

Mirr

Sometimes Johan gets tired....

I drive this car that no-one else at home uses, its not exactly my car but I am the sole driver. Its an old car and its blue and it has the life of a cheeky old man who still thinks its a teenage boy, so I named it Johan. When it gets naughty I call it Naib Johan.

Today Johan was very very naughty!

 Last night when I was driving home from hot yoga with Saida, I noticed that my lights were a little dim and my radio couldn't turn on. I was really scared it would die on me so I drove the home without my lights on, which was stupid... But anyway, I made it home safe!

This morning I started my boy Johan, and he seemed fine. I had a longggg day of errands (read, being driver to my siblings) ahead and really wanted my car to run smoothly. My first task, at 8am in the morning was to send Imran to one of his friends house. But on the way there, Johan died on me! At a T junction some more. Aiseiman, Johan, tahulah you penat but this is sooooo inconvenient.

It wasn't a good day to play damsel in distress. My dad was overseas for work, Ibu was a work and she's a doctor so, super busy and my boyfriend, has a really big paper tomorrow so I didn't want to trouble him. Plus, my brother and sister needed me. I realised I had to sort it out myself, and telling my parents/boyfriend that I was in trouble would only make them worried.

I got a kind stranger to drive me home to get my grandmas car, borrowed cones from a few shops and banks to make sure people don't run my car over (lol), and drove my brother to his friends house. Long story short, I got everything I had to do done, and the insurance company Im under sent a mechanic to sort things out.

HERE ARE A FEW LESSONS FOR YOU.

1. Always have a charged phone, or a power bank. If you are driving alone and your battery is low, skip the snapchat, you're going to need it

2. Always carry your AAM card! If you don't have one, get one, it'll save your life! They have a toll free hotline. They settled my car in about half an hour, and have brought it to the workshop to get fixed. Plus getting cars fixed under them usually means you won't get conned and whatever parts they put in would come with a warranty and stuff. Its not dodgy.

3. Don't be too timid and scared. Knock on windows to ask for help, go and approach that abang guard to ask if you can borrow those traffic cones. Being scared won't help, and its a completely solvable problem.

I am currently sitting at The Loaf at Sogo on Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman. Which translates to, I'm fine and back to running errands (My brother needed to get some kain for IU day with his friends, god I feel like such a soccer mom driving teenage boys around.) Sitting here, I feel really, adult. I know it sounds a bit like I'm tooting my own horn but Mira one year ago would cry and be incapable of solving car breakdown issues on her own. I felt really good that I didn't just call someone to help me get through it, and that I still went on fulfilling my duties- today I am driver of Datin Ildina Murni, Dato' Imran Hakim & Puan Sri Putri Affiza. And also, I'm here doing work (ok fine blogging but thats sort of work) at a place which is leaps and bounds out of my comfort zone, because a bunch of kids needed to be here. And I didn't drive back cause it wasn't practical. I mean wow guys I'm choosing practicality over the prospect of a nap! I'm so ready to be a mom now! And I didn't just give up on the day, which is something Mira tends to do okay!!!!

In all seriousness, I do feel like I've somewhat grown, which is a nice thing to feel a few days away from your 20th birthday. I hope you to try to be independent in handling whatever life throws at you. I almost prefer this over being manja-ed, which is a big thing to admit (Naim, I said ALMOST, ok)

Hope everyone is feeling as good about themselves as I feel right now. Till tomorrow!

Love,

Mira

Choosing an education path

My little sister Dina has no idea what to pursue in her tertiary education, and my heart breaks whenever she gets stressed about it. I don't know how many of you are in her position, but if you are, I feel you. I mean, theres definitely pressure and every.single.family.gathering its an interrogation on your plans for the future. I've been there, I never always knew what I wanted to do and truth be told, I don't even know for sure now! (omg hope my sponsors don't read my blog.....)

But for anyone whos currently in that rut, this post is for you.

Currently I'm doing A levels, the plan is to get into uni and pursue Pharmacy in the UK. It wasn't always the plan though. All throughout high school, with my debating and need to keep speaking out against anything and everything, I thought hah, its in my genes to become a lawyer! I must do law, it is my calling, I love law, I know nothing about it at 16 and I love it, I just know! 

So I applied to lots and lots of scholarships, all stating that ' Hi big company, I am the lawyer for you'. I was so damn sure of myself, its kinda funny. Got rejected by allll my scholarships except one, and I went through 3 interview rounds telling them about my dreams as a lawyer. Got through all 3, and then I had a 6 month interval between the 3rd interview and the final one, during which, my whole take on education changed.

I worked in the hospital my dad works in for two months, but mostly in managing because I was convinced that I was an arts gal and no way in hell was I going to do anything close to science. My parents knew I wanted to do law, so they brought me to see a friend of theirs who was a lawyer. And my god, I hated her office. I hated all the cases she had to read, and all the paperwork, and the whole feel of it all. She showed me her robe that she wears when she goes into court and it felt like a straight jacket on me. I needed to get out of there.

And so I did, and I cried, cause my whole wanting to be a lawyer dream got crushed and I felt so damn lost. 

I asked my parents to bring me to meet a lot of their friends from different professions (bless my parents, I love them so much) and I still felt kinda lost. I didn't know what to do, and part of me wanted to settle on becoming a lawyer because I was kinda good at talking in public. People told me I should too, one teacher told me I had a talent and 'it was my duty to use it, GO DO LAW' . But I didnt want to be unhappy. Call me petty but happiness is my top priority in life, and I don't plan on sacrificing that to be good at a job with so.much.paperwork. It just wasn't for me, and I give props to all my friends and all the lawyers out there, I could never do what you do.

Around that time I made friends with a nurse, and she let me follow her on her daily rounds at the hospitals. And I loved it! I love the hospital, I loved the environment, I love walking around carrying syringes and pills and stuff. I skipped my lunch breaks to follow her, and I got to talk to people from all departments. Got to see the pediatric ward, my dad showed me the labs and how all the machines work. And I knew, I had to get into this environment. Its they only way Id live a fulfiling life. I for sure didn't want to do anything that involved sitting at a desk all day, and even if it meant pursuing subjects that I wasn't comparatively naturally good at, I would do it. 

I decided pharmacy because, well, I didn't want to be a doctor. My mom is a doctor and she works so hard, I just really couldn't do that. I can't be on call and all, I want the ability to run home to the lovinf arms of my husband (hehe). Pharmacy was just one of the degrees I could've pursued, theres a lot of allied health degrees that aren't given enough attention if you ask me. I picked it because it made sense. I went into my decision not really knowing what to expect, but after doing some internships and studying some science and hearing some talks, Im pretty happy with my decision. And thank god my sponsors were willing to sponsor me despite the change in interests, they got quite a shock in the final interview. I think Allah was on my side on that day and lembutkan their hati as lembut as it can be. 

So my advice, first, accept the fact at you won't fully know what you want to do at every point in your life, or what pursuing a certain degree would require of you in the future. I decided to pick the environment I wanted to work in, and find a degree that will get me there. Some environments don't require specific degrees, so you can go ahead and pursue your interests. But for me, working in a hospital meant I had to do healthcare. And if I ever change my mind about it, its okay, you can branch out. So many people have told me that you can do literally anything once you have your degree, and Ive seen enough examples to believe that. I don't find chemistry easy, but I find that a challenging subject is worth it in the long run, if I get my ticket to work in the right environment for me.

Now, thats my personal experience, you can choose your education paths in whatever way you want, and you definitely wont be alone in making that choice. Whether its choosing based on what you like, what you're good at, or even what your parents tell you, remember that itll all work out if you let it work out, and you can extract happiness and money from other ways haha. Hope this helped!

Love,

Mirr

New Zealand : Part 2 - Caravan life

When I was younger, I read this book series by Enid Blyton called the caravan family. It told tales of adventures that one family, who lived in a caravan (I think, I've long forgotten the details to be honest ) and ever since then, I've always wanted to experience caravan-ing.

And I finally got to do that in New Zealand !

A caravan is basically a home on wheels. The one we rented had a bathroom (with a shower) , a kitchen complete with a stove and grill and fridge, a tv which we never used, surround sound radio, 3 beds - one huge one at the back, one right behind the drivers seat which can be converted into seats and one above the drivers seat. We also were given a gps device, which is actually like a tracker for our van, but its not like so they know where we are or anything weird like that. What it actually does is allow you to sync to this radio station (Tourism radio) and when you drive by a point with some sort of history, it'll give you a signal and tell you the story behind that place. Many times this device pointed out attractions we didn't plan on visiting, and the station plays good oldie music too. Our van was one of the bigger models, but even then, it was a pretty small space. There were a lot of 'excuse me ' s' and 'can you pass the baldi your nearer'. Being the clingy set of siblings we are, Dina Imran and I all slept upstairs and gave our parents the luxury of having one bed each. 

Our Bedroom

Travelling by caravan is not uncommon in New Zealand. A lot of people opt for it, and they've designed their towns and cities so that caravans can drive around and park easily. Of course, in the more townier towns, like on the North Island, it's a bit more challenging and there are less parking spots, but there was hardly any trouble ever looking for parking. There are some no drive roads, but they point that out to you so its good. This way of travelling does require a bit of maintenance, we had to fill up the gas tank almost every day (keep in mind we were travelling 300 km on a daily basis), and mess becomes more obvious because you're living in such a small space. So, it works like this, every night, we drove up to a holiday park when we would have pre-booked a powered site. That means, they have port where you can charge the van (Yes, we actually charge it haha). When the van is plugged in, we can use all outlets and power in no problem, but when we're moving, we can't use the plugs cause we wanna make use theres enough electricity to keep the fridge and hot water and lights and radio and whatever is actually necessary. Every few days we have to fill up the fresh water tank, which is basically clean water to use as well as empty out the waste water tank, which is the used water. There's a toilet, and every few days we have to take out the dump basin and wash it out and replace a new chemical in it. It doesn't smell or anything in the caravan I swear, the chemical is really strong it really does dilute all human waste smell, so dumping isn't that bad haha. We clean our van every night and every morning before we leave, and make sure everything is secure because in a moving car, things slide and fall off. Its also technically against the law to not wear seat belts while the caravan is in motion, but truth be told, I was lying down in the bed at the back 80% of the time, seatbeltless (not a good habit don't use me as an example, we got pulled over by the cops once haha)

So lets get into some pros and cons of caravan travel.

Pro's

1. You are in full charge of your holiday. You get to plan what you want to see, where you want to go, and skip whatever it is you feel you want to skip. This also means you can alter your trip to suit your budget. But truly, the great part of this is that you get to see so much more by caravan, every single minute you look out the window, tadaa, instagram worthy view (check mine out if you don't believe me). You also get to stop wherever you want, and take less touristy routes. There were plenty of times we found a beautiful gorge or a fields of wild flowers and just stopped by the road, you don't get to do that if your tied down to someone else transporting you. Admittedly, this requires a lot of planning, but my parents love planning and this has been my dads dream holiday, so it was more of a bonus than anything for us. Kudos to my dad though, we covered so much and his picked the best routes. 
2. Its convenient. You never have to keep packing and unpacking, just once at the beginning and once at the end. You have a fridge so you can snack at any moment of the day, a toilet so you don't even have to stop to pee, a bed so you can have a proper nap. You don't even have to change out of your pyjamas, and that is a hugeee plus point for me. Everything you brought with you will be with you the whole time, and you don't have to go throughout the trouble of lugging it around in a back pack either. Its great, I wish I could bring my house everyday all the time.
3. Great opportunity for bonding. I mean come on, I was stuck in a car with my family for 2 weeks. But, I actually really enjoyed it. If I wanted space, I just had to wait till we stop then I have the whole city to roam (but tbh I wasn't aching to have space). It made everyone more aware of each others (and the van's) needs, and we even tackled some issues that we probably wouldn't have been able to if we had to choice to run away and isolate ourselves from each other (I promised not to whine as much haha.) I think, that it made mt family so much closer, made my siblings and I super mature because we just had to do things without being told and that made my parents trust us so much more. I know some people would consider so much closeness for such a long period of time a bad thing, but it really was such a great family bonding experience for me. I have a really tight knit family to begin with though, but still, its just so nice to live with each other in such small space after years and years of being away (boarding school goer since 13 whats your story?). Plus, its my last holiday with them before uni, I wanted to be surrounded by them haha.

Cons

1. Things get a little crazy while driving. I mean the driving itself is crazy, you'll need a good driver, and a good support team. Ibu, my mom, drove the whole way (#GIRLPOWER) and we were always ready to get her chocolates and chips and coffee (did I mention we finished one chocolate bar a day there, I gained 2 kgs!). But its not just the driving, its they making sure everything is okay. Cause see, its simple physics, when the car stops moving things don't stop inertia bla bla bla basically anything that isn't in a cupboard or held onto will fall down a wreck havoc. This took a bit of getting used to. The cupboards in the van are fitted with safety latches so they rarely open spontaneously. Dina Imran and I would be running around (okay tiptoeing, no space to run haha) the van catching things, my laptop fell once even but its fine *phew*. We soon discovered the magic of blu tacking your things down, and using masking tape to tape things. Top tip, if you are going to travel via caravan, bring blu tack, it'll save your life. 
2. Its not luxurious. we only showered at holiday parks, because that'll save us the trouble of refilling the water tank too often. And that means communal showers. You also have to do most things by yourself, drive by yourself, clean by yourself, cook by yourself. The beds aren't super soft, and the pillow aren't made of goose feathers. Everything is made for practicality, and you don't want to be bringing too many clothes, so if you have a problem repeating outfits, you'll have a problem living in a caravan. My family and I didn't mind (I personally want to be a gypsy hence don't mind the hobo life), but it is a con worth considering.
3. You'll need patience. You don't want big fights to break out, or go travelling with people you can reconcile with easily. The small space kind of makes it easier to get frustrated, so you'll need to be mindful and be patient above all things. You don't wanna go travelling with a dark cloud trailing behind you, thats not fun at all! So yes, patience, lots of it.

I personally loved caravan travelling, I could do it for years and years (I claim la, put me to the test we'll see). Its so fun and its the best way of travelling if you want to cover land, cause like I said, no packing and unpacking, just park and drive. If you plan to stay in one spot for days and days and days, maybe not so fun, but if you want to travel, its the best bet in my opinion.

Oh and cost! Assuming you want to cover a lot of land, and not just explore one city, its actually cheaper to travel by caravan and stay in holiday parks than to stay in hotels and pay for transport.Im not too sure about details, but I think our van (keep in mind its one of the bigger more expensive models) was 200 dollars a day (a car is 120 a day, so its not that different). We also had to pay for our powered site at the holiday parks, but you have the option of just parking anywhere and camping. of course, there are places that don't allow you to do this, but we drove by lakes and beaches and saw some people just camping out in their vans, its pretty cool. There's gas and that sort of thing, but you'd have to pay for that anyway if you we're planning to travelling a lot. Another cheaper option would be wolfing. This is a term I learned in New Zealand by some wolfers, which means, you sort of sign up to do work and you get paid in service (e.g. free rooms, free meals, free tours). This way, you don't need to apply for a visa to work there (I think Im going to try this when I go to the UK InsyaAllah). There's also a lot of people in New Zealand who are foreigners but work in places like ice cream stalls and orchards. New Zealand is underpopulated, so the government set up a special work visa that last for 6 months for anyone over the age of 18. Wolfing and Working while travelling is very common in New Zealand, so many people do it. If any of you want details, just message me personally and I'd be glad to help.

Before I end this post, I just wanna talk about the company we booked our caravan with. We booked with Ahmad Caravan, which is based in Malaysia. They specialise in Muslim travel, so when we booked with them , they provided us things like a clay solution in the form of a spray bottle for us to samak our plates and pots and pans that were provided in the caravan (saved us the trouble of looking for clean soil). We also got a plastic praying mat, so we had the option of praying outside our van. They gave us a lot of advice about how to carry our everyday Islamic routines easily, and made it so easy for us lah. They also advised us on where to go, what to see, which routes to take. Their also very cheap, offer great packages and convoy options, and cater for Australia and some parts of Europe too. Heres the link to their website if you want to check them out : http://www.ahmadcaravan.com

This may just be my last post for 2015. Its been a great year, and I've been blogging for 6 months now. I want to make a promise to blog more, and more regularly next year, but you know, I have my A level exams and of April so I'll just try my best okay? In any case, I hope you've had a great year, and take some time these next few days to reflect how the year has been for you. Thanks for continuing to read this blog, and I really enjoy sharing my experiences with you (and am so happy when I get comments cause then I get to KNOW you, you know? haha). Happy New Year everybody.

Enjoy some more pictures of our caravan :

Check out the view, both dina and the scenery outside haha

Our Driver

Oh, and its Saida's birthday tomorrow, go wish her!

Love, 

Mirr

Loving my body.

I stepped on my weighing scale and realised that I gained 3 kgs in two months. And I'm okay with that. Im okay with that Im okay with that Im okay with that.

Its taken so much for me to be able to be say that and mean it. I've been preaching self love and acceptance for a long time, but in all truth, I'm far from mastering the art.

Growing up, I always wanted to be thin. Not slim, not fit, I wanted to be stick thin, but I never really did anything drastic about it. Sure, I dieted here and there, but never hurt myself for it. My parents made sure I ate my meals and being in a government boarding school, your meals are scheduled and you eat when your friends eat. But last year, a lot of things happened and as a result, I got really sad. I was the type to skip meals when I was stress, but this time, it was different. In hindsight, I did it all because a lot of the time I felt very ugly. I wanted some sort of validation that I was beautiful. The person who I turned to for this validation turned out to be toxic for me, and I pushed out pretty much everyone else. I tried to seek validation from somewhere else, so I turned to my weighing scale, and as a result, changed the way I lived my life. I started with eating less, which turned into eating less frequently, which turned into not eating at all. I got obsessed with measuring my body and weighing myself, and told myself ' If you lose one more kg, you will be beautiful'. I timed how long I could go without food, and kept telling myself, ' You want to be strong right, you can go one more hour'.  I got to a point where I wouldn't eat or drink anything for days and completely lost the ability to enjoy food.

I got what I wanted. I lost 10 kg in a span of a month, I got the thigh gap I wanted. Everyone was telling me how much thinner I looked, everyone noticed and a lot of people we're complimenting me for it.

But here's what I also got. 

Since I didnt eat and I had very little energy, so I spent a lot of my time sleeping. When I couldn't sleep, I would go about life in zombie like trance. I didn't laugh with my friends much, didn't feel excited about anything. I just didn't have the energy to be happy. I also didn't have the energy to do anything. I got tired after walking for 15 minutes, my legs would feel like I had run a marathon, and because of that, I despised going out. I remember walking around with my family, and had to ask them to stop every 20 minutes so I could sit down on a bench to rest, because I would feel like passing out. I couldn't participate in anything without my body hurting. My back ached constantly cause I had nothing but bones to support it and my knees always felt like they were giving out. I sacrificed genuinely enjoying time with my loved ones to be skinny.

My body punished me for the lack of nutrition; my skin broke out so bad, my acne scars took longer to heal. My hair started to fall, and my once thick mane became wispy thin. And the thing is, you don't get healthy immediately after you start eating healthy again, and I'm still paying for my not respecting myself with bad skin and really bad hair fall. My stomach got so used to being empty, every time I tried to eat a proper meal, it would reject it and I would get really bad tummy aches. My friends tell me now that while I was going through all that, I didn't look beautiful and thin, I looked sad. Some people made it a point to make sure I knew that they thought I was not beautiful, and I got a lot of anonymous comments telling me that I look disgusting. I remember vividly a comment that went something along the lines of, ' You might be skinny now but you are still fucking ugly. You can't change that, you look so sick.' It got to my mind too. I entered a vicious cycle where being sad made me starve myself, and starving myself made me sad. Every time I ate, I would feel guilty. Every break down I would have, my mind would respond by saying it my own fault, and that I do not deserve my next meal. 

Who doesn't deserve to eat?

I know I am not the only person out there who has been unhappy with their body, and I know I'm not the first or the last person to make unhealthy choices based on these internal conflicts. But if you are thinking about/ already are hurting yourself to achieve your body goals, hi, this is for you.

Please take my word for it, it is not worth it. Your body is a vessel that was made to protect you, and every single part of it has its functions, yes, even the lumpy bumpy bits that you don't like. Your organs have to go somewhere and darling, they need protecting. Your mother spent 9 months of her life, thats like giving up a whole year, to make that body. Someone invested that much time to make it what it is, you owe it to your mother to take the best possible care of yourself.

You should never feel like you have to lose weight (unless you are severely obese and it poses a risk on your life or something along that tangent). Do not let anyone, even yourself, feel like you need to be smaller than you already are or that you have to change your body. If anything, body types are all a hype anyway. One moment Kate Moss's stick thin body frame is in style, and the next, everyone wants Kim K's booty. Don't worry too much, your body wasn't made to be a hype. Your body was meant to take care of you, and be taken care of. Cherish it, respect it for what it truly is. Plus, who wants to be a trend anyway, you are the only person who can be you. Isn't that cool? So embrace whatever you are, no matter what shape or size you happen to be, literally none can work your body the way you do.

And even if you want to lose weight or tone up, there are healthy ways to do that. You can exercise and eat better. It'll make you feel great too (not that I know la I'm a lazy bum). So please please opt for these methods. It is not fun nor necessary for you to have to put your body through so much pain to look a certain way.

And if you are already in that vicious cycle, reach out to people who genuinely love you. Stay away from people who are insensitive and think its funny to use your insecurities as jokes. These people are toxic, and disrespectful. Instead, surround yourself with people who make you feel like the more weight you gain only means that they have more and more of you to love. Go see a therapist, it helps a ton. Spend one day eating somewhere with light but delicious portions and fall in love with eating again, its not easy but you can get there, trick is to not go head first and down a steak. Fall in love with salads and soups and light meals. If you know anyone who is struggling with things like these, be there for them and surround them with love and positivity. Remind them about qualities that you like, and try not to focus so much on their bodies. Be the person to take them out for a light, nice and delicious meal!

Eating disorders are something almost everyone doesn't understand. While its a fragile, heavy topic, it is one that must be addressed and will truly only get worse if left to be. I hope that with sharing this, its shed some light to the actual gravity the issue. While it is a problem, its ultimately one that is entirely possible to overcome.

At all times, remember you are not your body. You are a soul, you have a body. If you are to worry about anything, it should probably be how beautiful you are on the inside.

Love, 

Mirr

Drugs, lube and wet paint

My first day as a trainee pharmacist today!

My god it was tiring. Like seriously, lesson number 1 :

If you are gonna be working as a pharmacist at a hospital, wear comfy shoes. Not even normal flats, that won't do, I was practically dying in mine by the time 5 pm came around and was hating myself for not wearing my birkenstocks. Really, birkenstock level comfort, nothing less. Don't even think about heels, this goes to future Mirr. If you have a date after work, put your heels in your bag or leave them in your car, but damn girl, you don't wanna be standing up and walking around from 9 till 5 in heels. 

So pharmacist hardly sit down. Which is a relief because I absolutely hate really dislike the idea of an office job, sitting down and facing documents and computer screens. But Imma tell you its so tiring, like, so so tiring. And this is just me; I spent the day arranging the new stock and helping pack up prescriptions for patients, which required a lot of walking because hoho, you don't even know how many cabinets there are. So much respect for other jobs that are more physically demanding, contraction workers and the likes, you have all my respect, tabik spring!

Lesson number 2 :

When they say get to know where everything is, GET TO KNOW WHERE EVERYTHING IS. Caution, this is not a drill, I repeat, THIS IS NOT A DRILL.  Because sooner or later, you're gonna get a bunch of labels handed to you, and you're gonna regret not properly getting to know the system of drug arrangements. I spent more than 15 minutes getting my first prescription sorted, and I was incredibly nervous because just this morning I read about a doctor who got sued for false prescription. When I was done, the pharmacist I was helping out said 'Faster next time girl, we don't have all day.' Memorise where everything is if you can, because it helps, it makes you a bit dizzy looking for drugs all day, especially if you're doing more looking than actually finding. (I saw more drugs than people today, whoopee, sneak peak into my -InsyaAllah- life as a drug dealer)

Now if you don't know where things are, lesson number 3 is :

Ask around! Sure, everyone might be looking at you a bit weird because you're the new girl who picked out shoes more based on aesthetic value than comfort, but everyone knows you don't know where stuff is yet. My funny story of the day is that, while sorting out the stock, I could locate where almost everything was except for one thing; Durex Jelly aka, lube. And, for some reason I was shy and quiet today, plus I didn't wanna tap someone on the shoulder and go all 'Excuse me, where does the lube go?' so the new girl was walking around with two bottles of lube in her hand, not knowing where to go with it. A nice staff member pointed it out eventually, but man that was embarrassing.

Lesson number 4 :

Your handwriting matters! My handwriting is not the best and I never thought it affected anything very much, but thats far from the truth! One of the pharmacist was teaching me how to read prescriptions, what certain things mean, and he jokingly said ' Later, when you do your degree, sign up for that extra course that teaches you how to read doctors handwriting' because its true, its horrible, and it makes life so much harder. (Note to self, improve your handwriting!)

All in all, I realised that pharmacist are way way busier than I expected them to be. Patients appreciate if they get their drugs on time, so everything is on rush. Also, the pharmaceutical industry isn't as profit crazy as critics make it out to be. Theres a whole system for refunding and cancelling orders, and patients don't even need to request for it. If you are an in-patient, and you don't take the drugs that are prescribed to you for whatever reason, we will automatically reverse the charges, without you even knowing it. 

I had an eye-opening, tiring but great day. Oh and if my lube story isn't embarrassing enough, I walked into a wall of wet paint while looking for saline solution.

Look at that paint :(

My day was ultimately made because I came home to this. 

Now its starting to feel like Raya.

Love,

 Mirr

Internship experience : Cytogenetics and Molecular Diagnostics Lab

So what do you do when you get ill?

You go to the clinic, or the hospital, meet the doctors, maybe take a few samples. A few days later you get diagnosed with whatever it is you have, get treated, and tadaa, healthcare, so simple right? All you have to do is meet your doctor.

In truth, theres so much more to healthcare than doctors. Your sample goes through a whole series of test in pathology labs, to get that diagnosis. And sometimes, a simple test won't do. Sometimes, we need to access your genetic code to figure out what exactly is the best treatment for you.

Thats what the cytogenetics and molecular team at Pantai Premier Pathology does!

*say hiii to everyone*

I spent close to two weeks shadowing this group of scientist, and I've learned so much. I've learned about extraction of nucleic acids, that some samples require only RNA and others only DNA. I've learned that extraction takes practically ageeessss, we spent one whole day on the extraction of the DNA of a tumour from the gastrointestinal tract of a patient. Literally hours, it takes a lot of patience. I've learned so so much about polymerous chain reactions (PCR), what they're for, what reagents you need and the relevance of a 2 hour cycle of changing temperatures to basically multiply the amount of genetic information you have. I've also learned the different ways you can analyse genes, you can do FISH (florescent something something hehe forgot the actual name) where you get to see whether or not mutation has occurred by analysing florescent dots, or you can do karyotyping, or you can do sequencing, which is basically separating the DNA strands and figuring out the corresponding bases to see if any mutations have occurred. 

Basically a lot of science, don't have my notes now but I'd be happy to share if anyone is interested. Here's a few pictures of the science : 

A biochemical safety chamber. There are UV lights fitted into these to make sure its free of contamination

Kak Sue in the pre-PCR room preparing for solid tumours and Asyraf running the test for respiratory diseases (they get H1N1 samples too!)

DNA bases ! Adenine, Guanine, Cytosine and Thymine in tubes 

I also got a chance to take my blood sample and run a karyotype to view my genes and all that. 

 1. My blood! 2. Making a culture so it multiplies and all that lol 3. After approx 48 hours of incubation in carbon dioxide, it looked a bit gel like.

After centrifuging, thats all my red blood cells at the bottom. And you get a glimpse of Nas in the background *hi Nasss*

My chromosomes under the microscope after staining on the left and on the right, they found my mascara while karyotyping haha!

Anddd thats me, and my karyotype, which is also me!

On top of learning a lot of science, I also learned that scientist have to be super OCD, bleaching and wiping things down with concentrated ethanol all the time. I've learned that I know so little, even with all the 'A-level stress' I complain about. I learned that karyotyping is extremely hard and boring (except for Razak, its so fun for you). I learned about behind the scenes hospital drama, the importance of good timing, communication and overall preserving of relationships, especially between labs and doctors. 

I also learned that choosing healthcare over law feels like the absolute right choice for me.

There's so much going on in providing healthcare, and every single department plays its important and significant part. Pathologist and the people working in the labs, reading your slides and analysing your samples, are some of the most remarkable unsung heroes in the healthcare industry. Like really, nobody ever gets to see what they do. But their part is just as important as the doctors and the nurses and everybody else. 

A shout out to the team;  Aziey, Nas, Kak Sue, Afif, Razak, Sayyidi, Asyraf and Fariq. Thank you for letting me follow you around, and layaning me when I ask way too many questions. For letting me basically kacau you and teaching me a lot of things, even sitting down and printing things out and giving me lectures. For helping me confirm that this is the field I want to venture into. InsyaAllah I'll still see you all from time to time, good luck with the lab and your personal quest, you have my best wishes.

Also, I've been happy lately. Alhamdullilah.

Go and pursue what you want to do, even if its something nobody expects you to do (I still get, wait what YOU'RE NOT DOING LAW OR ECONS, lol). And don't be afraid to try new things or to apply for learning opportunities. Just send that email, worse thing that will happen is they reject you :)

My second internship is starting this Monday, at a pharmacy department in a hospital this time. Fingers crossed that it'll be just as good as an experience.

Last few pics !

Love,

Mirr