2017 and separation

In the face of adversity, life can get kind of discouraging.

Coming to the UK I told myself that the thing I feared the most was losing people due to the move. Be it losing people because the distance made relationships too difficult to maintain, or you know, death, I was really hoping none of that would happen in my first year. I thought, any year but this year, I can handle it, just need to settle down, fall in love with London and my commitment to study first.

Then 2017 came and just splat.

Thats how it felt at first, a big, hopeless, splat.

In January I had to end a long distance relationship with someone I was so incredibly in love and compatible with. Love to the point that it hurts to type it out (my gosh so drama), I can't even describe it really and I didn't even want to for once. I won't even try to do it here. I just wanted to keep the relationship personal and private (I'm an open book IF you haven't already noticed, so this was different and special), and it was hard to swallow that if I was in another place doing other things I wouldn't really have to face the break-up. 

Breaking up from a good relationship is hard in its own way. Its hard because there was so little that went wrong (maybe even nothing?) that its easy to end up at, wait why are we breaking up again? (Then Big Mira tells Small Mira, distance beb, distance) But break-ups are relatively easier to deal with than death. I told myself that I can still be happy and he can still be happy and we didn't end it on a bad note so give it time and we didn't have to lose the companionship if we didn't want to. Even though it was terrible to process and even now I'm still in a weird place about it, on the mostly I got over it, I was okay.

Then in February, I got news that my grandmother passed away. It was both shocking and not, she wasn't sick or anything like that, but she fell ill after a trip to umrah and her body just, never got better. All in all, the falling sick, the devastating hospital visits, the death, it all happened in two weeks. On the day of her death my mom had already told me it was coming, and when face timing her, my dad said ' So I guess this is your last time you'll see her'. That broke me. It broke me to not be home, to not be there for my family when another person driving or staying awake or taking care would've been helpful. I mean, it wasn't like they had any trouble taking care of her, my family bands together pretty well in times of health related crisis, but I wanted to be involved. To take care of my Wan the way she took care of me (I grew up like 70% with her in my first few years of life), to be there for my dad when he needed the emotional support. I just wanted to be there, not a FaceTime away, not a whatsapp away. I was face timing my family the whole evening, but I still felt so, detached. I really didn't expect not to have her to come home to. I still don't know how to feel about that.

So, 2017 has been hard on me. I've cursed the year many times over and just really felt like, not doing life for the rest of the year. I just kept wishing things were different, that I wasn't here. 

I was talking to my friend Archie about how I was feeling, and I stressed how demotivated I felt. It was a conversation over whatsapp and he said this to me 

He said I could go with my feelings or to realise the opportunity I have and make full use of it. I realise that any big decision comes with an extent of sacrifice, and I tried to hope my way out of not having to realise the full consequence of not being with my loved ones. But I had to face it, and now I have a choice; to do my best or to not. And right now, the way I see it, damn i better get a first or none of this is worth it lol.

I told that to Archie too, and he again pointed out that of course its worth being here. He pointed out that I have many friends and I'm learning new things in a way I never can if I was at home. That I gotta not neglect my opportunity but whatever I end up with at the end of the day, me being here is already worth it due to the sheer experience of being here. The whole time I was thinking, damn, when did Archie get so wise?

I talk a lot about how being here is not what I expected it to be. If I was to go into it here this post will never end, but I guess I was almost homesick to the point of disappointment in my first semester. But now, now I'm realising that maybe its not what I expected it to be but thats good too in some ways.

I'm scared of separation. When I was seeing a therapist he pretty much diagnosed me with separation anxiety, which is ironic because here I am, so damn separated from my life back in Malaysia. I talk about moving countries a lot because it affects me a lot, but this recent bout of separation, this facing my anxiety right in the face, its been hard. But its also been positive. I'm learning healthy ways to cope with it all, and I guess I'm only getting stronger. And seeing as how bad my year has started out, I only can go up right?

( #nofailingfirstyearpleaseIcanttakethis #prayforMira)

Yknw what they say,

when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

So Imma go now, till next time guys, thanks for reading, as always.

Love from London,

Mira

My everyday

I found Archie and Monika in the refectory. It was the very first day of uni and having spent the past hour making meaningless small talk in a sea of people, I was feeling very lonely. I remember our first conversation centering around how the situation outside (we were inside, seated in the refectory- I came in for the warmth) was not very conducive for breaking the ice. How for the first time ever, we found it so hard to make friends. 

It was my first real conversation of the day.

We stuck to each other because we did not know anybody else. Later during the day I found Lena, who I knew of because we were mutual friends with Abbas (They played in an orchestra together in Malaysia, and I came to watch). We found Tim in one of the introductory talks, sitting quietly next to us. Typical of the generation, our transition from becoming a few people who knew each other to something more, started with a whatsapp group.

Whatsapp groups are important for keeping up to date with the course, you know, just to make sure you have someone to take the lecture notes for you on those days that you're streaming from home. Its also much less intimidating to show up to things with somebody else, or at least have the knowledge that somewhere in this crowd, you have 4 people who you share a whatsapp group with. Its a support system, and thats especially important when you're an international student. And thats what we were, 5 kids who left home to come to uni, and all from different places too (Lena is from PJ, Im from BD, kira different la tu). 

Somewhere along the way, peer support turned to pure friendship. We became default lunch buddies, we dont even check in with each other about who we're having lunch with anymore, its always just each other. We got to know each others perangai/attitudes : knowing never expect to see some of us in lectures, discovering an unexpectedly loud persona after somebody got a little drunk, and shared the different cultures we were brought up with (Monika is from Poland but shes Vietnamese, Archie is from Kazakstan and Tim is from Slovenia, so its a lottt of diversity). 

Today was our last day of attending lectures (we are all not going to bother coming in for lectures tomorrow #thankyouuclforlivestreamandrecordings) and we closed the term with some good old Malaysian food. Lena and I got super excited about watching their reactions, and we all agreed that the roti pisang from Roti King was bomb.com. We parted our ways, everyone will be flying out of London by this weekend, except for me.  

In our goodbyes, Archie said, 'Thank you guys for being my family here'. It made me tear up on the way home, and yes, thats what we've become.

Friends are family we choose.

Being away from home, I appreciate more than ever the friendships I have here. I am forever grateful that there are already a lot of people that I know from home who are here with me. And I'm here, sitting on my bed, spending my first few moments on winter break being grateful for the friendships I have built here. I thought I'd be a loner on my first day here, but now with my everyday crew, my others friends from the School of Pharmacy, and my friends from pole, I'm building my own little home here. 

To my everyday crew, thank you babes, have safe flights cause Ill be here waiting. See you in the new year. I'll miss youuuuu

Love from London,

Mirr

On opportunities

I feel like we are never grateful enough for our opportunities

One of my maids is only a year older than me. For those of you who may not be aware, having live-in maids is common practise in Malaysia, so no, I am not some rich princess that has maids to tend to her every wish and desire. Any who, she's born in the same time period as me, understands trends, uses instagram, you get the drift. Lets just call her 'Kakak'

So Kakak is a bright girl, went through high school, did well even. She's innovative, talkative, eager to learn. She's picking up English just by listening to us communicate at home, and we knew from day one that she really is a smart girl. But the thing is, she came from a poor family who could not afford to send her to university, so it was either get married or get a job. I understand why she was narrowed down to these two choices, marrying her off would mean less burden for the family and if that wasn't going to happen than it was vital she brought money to the table. The unfortunate truth is that putting food on the table always comes before education, and in most parts of the world tertiary education is still a very expensive luxury. She chose to leave home the moment she could to work (read : very young, but still legal guys no worries!). She told us that working in Malaysia is good and easy money. Retail jobs back home were hard to secure without networks and the other option would be to work in the fields. So she made that sacrifice.

I feel like Kakak is happy working here, at least she tells me she much prefers this than being married off to a man she barely knew. But I can never shake this disturbing feeling that she's just one year older than me and has been almost forced into this decision. We're so similar in age, it sends me shivers down my spine thinking that I could have easily been born into her life, we could have been switched. But instead, the lottery of birth placed me into this life, where tertiary education is almost a done deal, and I really have very little to worry about in the grand scale of things. I don't have to provide, I don't have to worry about being married off, I don't even have to worry about food because I will get fed one way or the other. And living in my house, so similar in age to me, is a girl who's had to worry about all those things.

My life comes with its own set of challenges; Kakak will never feel the pressure of picking an education thats worth a heck lot of money. Neither will she almost be forced to a 9-5 lifestyle, or be expected to perform a certain academic standard, but still, put my worries against hers on a scale and we don't even have to wonder who will win. It all comes down to opportunities. Both Kakak and I have had very different opportunities in life. We all get them, some may seem more appealing than others but everyone is destined to their own unique set of opportunities which is mostly determined by what life you were born into. Its kind of sad, but its sadder to know that there are so many people who get good opportunities and just don't take them.  People who would pick 'chilling' forever over the prospect of self growth and improvement just because they want to. Don't get me wrong, I love to lepak, but everything in moderation guys. Don't let your lepak game ruin your opportunities.

Who's to say who got luckier in the birth lottery, but one thing I know for sure is that I have had more options than Kakak ever did. And I feel like I almost have a duty to take every opportunity I can to grow and learn, even if it means I have to work a little harder and chill a little less. Think about it, there are people out there who don't even dare dream about the things we take for granted. So my reminder to myself, and all of you, is to grab the opportunity, whatever it may be, because some people will never have the chance.

Love,

Mirr

Goodbye KY

I officially graduated from KYUEM today!

Graduations and goodbyes are usually filled with bittersweet sentiments, and today was no exception. I think today was the one and only day that I did not rush to get out of college and go home, because as Batu had aptly put it 'Those doors are the end of all this, and we're looking straight at it"

A lot of people graduate KY claiming that the best years of their lives had been spent in that remote campus. I feel that way too. KYUEM was a place that made me feel like I could belong, and I think everyone goes about life looking for a place like that. Upon entering KY, I was a girl who had gone through very different experiences. I went to a fairly liberal and westernised primary school, a very conservative traditional high school, and have been in situations of both extremes. As a result, I always felt like my experiences were always so in conflict with each other. I was always either too conservative or too liberal and hardly anywhere in between, and every time one world crossed with the other, people got shocked and confused. But in KY, theres a place for everybody, all types and concoctions. And if you're in between, no-one will leave you out or not welcome you for it. Sure there are cliques, but my time in KY has made me experience one thing I never had before; no huge obvious divide. You could go to the dining hall alone and know that you would be welcome at any table, and I feel like if we needed an example of a diverse community peacefully coexisting, you just need to come and see our campus. We have comparative religion talks, and religious groups often welcome people of other faith to join in their activities (MUSCOM has surau open days for everybody and welcomes even non-muslims to join their feast, and the christians offered to make prayers for anybody when it came to exam season). We celebrate all holidays with the same amount of gusto, we smile to each other at the walkway (seriously, everyone is so nice to each other, sometimes I get tired from smiling). When I decided to take off my hijab, nobody treated me any differently. The people in the surau welcomed me just the same, people who were curious openly asked me and respected my decision. I didn't feel any hate. Its seen me heart broken, I met a group of girl friends who literally gave me a home when I was at my absolute weakest. And even then, when I ran for president, everyone gave me an equal chance and didn't use my personal battles against me. I've met friends who have welcomed me in, even though I hardly talked to them. You know, everyone gives you chances there. Its great

KY has to be the one place I grew up the most (not physically, if anything I got smaller heh). I am so so glad for everything that this institution had to offer me. Not to mention the amazing teachers who honestly care so much about you. World class, my teachers. Through the good and the bad, I'm so grateful for my time here. 

I'll end this post with a spam of graduation photos, or at least the ones I have with me, so enjoy!

My everyday gang. We take all the same subjects and are forced to spend so much time together.

AJ, Hanna and Mire came to support Fie, Datin and I on our big day :)

Farr and Kas, and Aisyah below are my apartment mates just btw 

The Yayasan Khazanah family, the whole reason I'm here to begin with. Thank you YK!

FAB

This is Ben. Smart, single, sexy. PM for enquiries.

Love,

Mirr

My 20th birthday!

My post is late! I know!

I knew I was going to blog about turning 20, but truth be told, growing up comes with challenges, and man I am beat. I need a little bit of looking on the bright side, and remembering the good things, so here is my birthday in pictures, which turned out to be (one of) the happiest day of my life. I only really took pictures of one event that happened (from many!), but I was blessed the whole day, 3 cakes and surprises on surprises on surprises! It was great, so enjoy.

I think the best part is that, my different friend groups tried to make it special together. Growing up, I was always super paranoid when friends from one gang meet friends from another, but everyone just gelled! I guess its comes with age and maturing, but I'm so glad.

Thank you for your wishes, and the love. I've never felt more appreciated than my 20th birthday, and I owe it all to a great family, and amazing friends. + I got one very unexpected surprise, AJ showed up when I thought she was in the UK! I cried so many tears of joy. I am currently in a place where I do not have many happy words, but they say pictures speak a thousand words, so heres to remembering the good days on all of the bad ones.

Love,

Mirr

Choosing the wrong education path?

My little sister just enrolled into a foundation in science programme today. Leading up to this day though, Dina has been questioning whether or not she's doing the right thing and going for the right education path. I understand the worry, because well, everybody has their moments where they really really aren't sure what to do in life. In fact, some people spend their whole lives just wondering...

Figuring out your calling is (quite commonly) a scary and confusing process, and a lot of people stress out about not having found it, or realising that maybe their interests have changed. I know when you're facing these big personal issues, the first reaction is to panic! breakdown! cancel all motivation! But I feel like you could never really choose the wrong education path.

A degree, or any academic qualification for that matter, to me is an opportunity. There are a lot of jobs out there that you can only hold if you have some sort of academic qualification, its true. But just because you have a degree in say healthcare, it doesn't mean you're limited to healthcare. I know, easier said than done, but its true, and there are a lottttt of people out there who can make it in careers that are totally opposite from what they studied at first ( Just in Malaysian Fashion : Vivy Yusuf & Fadza, Nurul Zulkifly, Nelissa Hilman to name a few) So if you end up not liking what your studying, then don't worry too much. Give it your best, as you should with everything, get that qualification then pursue your dreams, WHATEVER it may be.

Anna Akana said in a video once, How you make money, and what you pursue as your career don't have to be the same thing.  You can watch the whole video here. My takeaway from it is if you ever find yourself in a place where you feel like you're doing something you shouldn't be doing, you don't havee to be miserable. You could go all for it; change your course, quit your job, etc, but if that's not something you'd feel comfortable doing, then pursue things that make you happy in your free time! Personally, I honestly don't know what kind of job I will end up having, but if it means I'm behind a counter dispensing drugs then I don't think I will be at my happiest. But thats the thing, I don't have to do that if I don't want to. I know realistically my options will never be endless and vast, but I believe that I can change my luck and don't have to (read, should not) settle for things that make me miserable. I'll give it all up and work as an assistant at a florist, take care of peoples babies, something, anything, theres a way. Some people will say I'm naive and too positive, but ah well, I'll take it as a compliment.

In conclusion, I think we should stop regarding our education paths as things that restrict us for the rest of our lives. It is a ticket to one opportunity, one that you probably wanted at one point in life, so do your best and count your blessings that you even have this opportunity to begin with. When the time comes, you can take it, or go for something better. If you give your best at everything, and treat every experience as a learning curve, then there is no such thing as wasted time or resources, cause even a degree you didn't enjoy will teach you something. Always remember that you can make your life more than what you studied and what you do for a job, if you want it to be. The onus of happiness and fulfilment is on you, and you alone! If we make a small change in our mindsets toward education, I believe, we'll all be a little less stress in finding our calling, and a little more motivated to do better.

And if you absolutely don't know what you want to do, don't fret, not all who wander are lost and you can extract happiness from other things. 

And dina if you're reading this, we will be happy sisters together forever, so don't worry too much okay bb. We will have nice brunches and family dinner to make up for the crappy (though hopefully not) jobs we have! I love you Dins! And leave your comment below for Dina if you want, Ill be sure to pass on the message.

Love,

Mira

Im through with A2!

I am a truly happy child.

Currently I'm on my roommates (Aisyah's) bed, because my room has been cleared out and I hateeee the empty walls. In an hour or so I'll be on the way, if not already, at home. I'm the first one in my apartment to go home for good, and I'm that in that typical bitter sweet mood that comes with goodbyes. 

A levels was tough man, I'll tell you that. I guess I've always had it easy in my studies, putting in minimal effort and getting by fine, but for A levels, I had to grind (and I mean grind - my closest friends were kind of shocked to see me care so much). But it has come and it has gone, I'm grateful to say that I think I couldn't have done my papers any better, so even if things ultimately don't go my way, I've done my absolute best and thats the best place I can be. 

A handful of people have been asking me whats next. And the honest answer is, I get to be an absolute bum again and not feel guilty about it, the joy! I have a few months off before I'll even know for sure whats next in my education path. A levels results come out sometime in August, and IF I meet my sponsors and university requirements, then insyaAllah, Ill be pursuing Pharmacy in UCL, London. Thats a bigggg if ( and that one chem paper was pretty tough....) but if I don't get to execute my plan A, I've got backup plans (Murni Midwife Service, anyone?)

But in the mean time, I want pursue things thats been on my to do list for absolute ages. I wanna learn how to sew, start cooking again, and basically do everything I've been putting off since my A levels grind started. In relation to that, I'm planning on selling off my textbooks, other useful books and some of my clothes/stuff for quite cheap ( A levels textbooks burn multiple holes in you pockets believe me), but I'm not sure what medium is best, so I'll set up a poll by my sidebar so you can vote. If you do know anybody who will be taking A levels, and is planning on doing Chemistry, Biology and Maths (+ taking statistics), you can tell them to contact me! But anyway, something really exciting ( I feel) is that I have a ten day countdown to my 20th birthday ( YES, 20!!! ) so I want write one blogpost everyday up till the 28th of May. You can expect a post every 9.30 pm, or maybe slightly earlier, but Ill try make that 9.30 deadline for all you readers!

I'm honestly filled with so much emotion right now. KY is a place where I did a lotttt of growing up, and a lot of learning. My first two sems I discovered the most supportive network of friends ever, and my second two, I learned to grow and be completely true to my self. Also, I loveeee my apartment mates. We have this ongoing joke that our lives together can be turned into a sitcom, and its not even half false. As far as roommates go, I don't think I could've gotten luckier. I'll write about my crazy little apartment 5 in an exclusive post later! The thing is, I've gotten attached to my room a lot, as in, my personal room not the apartment we share. I don't have a room thats exclusively mine at home ( and I don't mind it one bit) but I really did turn my room into my space, had a whole wall full of pictures, I was in complete control over how I wanted it to be like. But now that I'm leaving, I just had to take down all my photos and pack up my candle corner, and damn, it feels so different. Un-making the room mine was so weird, and thats when i realised that as much as Im dying to live my life out of this jungle-bound campus, I truly will miss it here.

Till tomorrow darlings.

Love,

Mirr

What a year.

2015 was the year of earthquakes.

I started the year with a broken heart, and my life was shaken up from day one. A lot of things changed, against my will, and I was a crying wreck for the most part. The year started with me constantly feeling inadequate, and I fed off the negativity, beating myself up in the process.

Earthquakes though, are the perfect opportunity for reconstruction.

I ended the year feeling happier than I've ever felt, feeling more myself than I've ever been, being the most honest with myself than I ever dared to be. I ended the year, in a good place. In a place where I could chose happiness, where I never really felt lonely, and most importantly, a place where I could love myself.

In 2015, I was at my absolute weakest when I found true love, in the form of open arms, offers to bunk in the corners of people's chalets, and so much patience. I witnessed friends who once saw me at my strongest, love me just as equally as I literally crumbled. Friends who have never seen me anywhere near that weak, hold my hand and told me that I am not a disappointment, that I am okay. Friends that proved that they'd always be there, almost volunteering to hold my hand even if it meant walking through hell with me. I got so much care from a group of girls who had only my weakest to judge me by, they offered me their homes and unconditional love. They loved me so hard, I am still filled to the brim with it, four months after every single one of them moved out of the country. I met a boy who was overflowing with understanding, someone who allowed me to grow, someone who changed all my previous definitions of love.

In 2015, I was so desirably thin, so unhealthy, and so unhappy. I started eating, I started putting health first. I stopped believing in my narrow definition of beauty. I stopped pretending to have skin that I don't have, stopped punishing my body for the simple act of supporting my being. Beauty, I've decided, is a state of mind, not a size or a skin type. It is being comfortable at your very core about the person you honestly are. I fought against my own self, and I won.

In 2015, I went after what made me happy. I came to terms with a whole lot of things, and I pursued what I thought was necessary. In 2015, I achieved genuine happiness and acceptance of myself, and that was harder than any debate tournament, exam or interview. 

2015 was the year that I began to truly, love myself.

I think thats important. You need to create a life that you are proud of, one that you can smile when you're alone reflecting. You need to be able to walk alone in the crowd and be okay, we need to be able to be sure of ourselves. Loving yourself, I've learned, is the prerequisite to loving others properly. It is the basis of making good choices, it is vital in the construction of a life that you can be proud of. 

I want to do for the world what my loved ones have done for me. I want to shock people with my capacity to love, my ability to accept, and my will to keep going. 

I also want to attempt to blog more regularly (hahhaaahahaa, seriously though)

Happy first day of the year everybody, thank you tons for helping me create this space. Its become an important facet of my being, thank you. Good luck with 2016, you have my absolute best wishes.

Love,

Mirr

Sweet disposition

:)

Hello everyone! First and foremost, I wanna apologise for not blogging as regularly as I used to, semester 3 just started and although its not an exam semester, its definitely a busy one; KY has back to back events from bangsawan, to KY summit to diwali, Im in the midst of Uni application AND  Im not planning on dropping any subjects so my day to day class schedueles are pretty full (aikes, wish me luck with my time management!)

But anyway, excuses aside, my life has been great, Alhamdullilah. Reflecting on my recent stroke of good luck, I've decided to try and incorporate some positive habits in my life;

1. Take the time to be grateful, and let the good happen. I believe this is truly easier said than done, it very easy to be consumed by negativity, I was there for a very very long time, but I've realised that the moment you count the blessing you have instead of the ones you don't have, your life instantly gets better. Also, if you dwell in your misfortunes, you'll probably miss out on the good that comes your way. You'll probably discredit it, and miss out on amazing oppurtunities that could bring you so much joy. There's a silver lining to every cloud, you just have to look out for it.

2. Create a space for yourself, and keep it tidy! Everyone needs a safe place, like literally, it helps so much. I've decked out my room exactly the way I want it, and its so relieving to come back to a space that makes me happy. I try to make my bed no matter how late I am, but it pays so much to come back after a full day of classes, and see everything in its place. Light a few candles and change into your jim jams and everything just seems right. A positive environment makes for a positive life, tried and tested ! 

3. Dont slouch and drink lots of water. Its good for you, nuff said.

4. Acknowledge that different times mean different ways. Treat experience as a great teacher but be open to the fact that things may not be the same the second time round, and thats not a bad thing. Whether it be different exams or new relationships or 'the way kids nowadays socialise is so different' ,  you'll hardly come across the same situation twice. So be open and be prepared for change, because thats the only constant thing in life.

5. Make it up to our parents, not only in the way you want to, but also in the way the want you too. I think its undeniable that we owe our parents something if not everything lol. And its likely that we will dissapoint them a few times, but its most important to keep putting in effort to make them proud. And not just that, because although you might want to give them things like good results and no disipline cases, maybe all they want you to do is be at home or make them a cup of tea or whatever. There is good in giving, and even more when you give in the ways that people want. 

6. Remember your passwords ! Don't be like me kids, I may miss a ky deadline because of this problem. Its not fun, Ill probably get scolded no :'( I've like given a few of my passwords to a certain someone cause I keep forgetting them, can someone create an app for this please ! 

Okay so I have to get back to guessing my password for my kyucas, because I am such a dopehead sometimes and if I end up spending three hours on this I probably deserve it. Ill just end this post by saying that life has been so so kind to me, and it feels like everything is falling into place. Till next time.

(Also please say a prayer for me so that i settle my password problem guys!) 

Love,

Mirr

Forgiveness and the first day of Aidilfitri

*me totally feeling the raya*

I dont know about you but First day of Raya afternoons are always naptime for me, sometimes Im not even tired but opps, naptime, ciao people.

(K no la Im not that rude I wait for the first wave of guest to go back and all) 

This year, I cut my nap short to blog a little. I've been getting the raya feels a lot this year, and Im not sure why but it feels good. Perhaps its because I've been working and I come home tired but I have to help out and cook and prepare for the open house because 1. We're pretty much maidless , 2. No caterers this year, just ordering in some food and 3. If not I get teased that I sibuk nak kahwin but 'how to kahwin if you don't cook clean all, if you get malay husband die one, if kena balik kampung dia lagi la, don't you want to have good relations with your mother in law etc etc' 

So a lot has been put into this year, maybe I just wanna see that it all sums up to a good celebration with family. I think its also that its my second last raya before I (insyaAllah) fly off. And also since its very concentrated on family, no boys messing with my life this year lol (makes a huge difference!) 

I went to Solat Raya with Dina, my little sister, and it was pretty emotional. I slipped in that we have one more year to do this together and insyaAllah we both wont be on our periods next year so we can pray together and stuff. Spent the whole khutbah hugging each other. When we got home, we got to the usual photo taking sessions at my Wans house. This is technically my kampung but its in Wangsa Maju, which is bam smack in Kuala Lumpur, so its not very kampung-ish but hey, Ill take what I can get, Alhamdullilah, that means 4 grandparents who are still around. After photo sessions were done, we started the whole salam salam asking for forgiveness routine.

Ok, so heres one thing I dont get. I understand that its good to have an annual day of apologising, a day to set all the scales back to 0-0 but, I dont know, it seems a little insincere to me? Like, why are you saying sorry, because its a public holiday? Because thats what we do? If so, do you really mean it? I mean, what does it even mean to be sorry about something? Or are you just using this as an oppurtunity to get clean and feel better about yourself? And what about if you are on the other side, what if whatever it is isn't forgiven? What if its not really 0-0? Does it make you a downright bitch to not forgive someone on this day even if you really don't feel like it. I mean, bandaids don't fix bullet holes and all that Taylor Swift Bad Blood stuff. I mean Im not talking about the passing 'maaf zahir dam batin', Im talking about like, if you really do have somethong to apologise for you know?

Still haven't answered all my questions about this, Im convinced I will with time, but as for now, Im not thinking too much about it. 

Nevertheless I totally cried during my salam raya. I have the tendency to want to admit the things that I did to my parents because I feel like that is sincerity? But this year it got a bit too emotional for me, haih, Im turning into an old emotional lady already lah. 

Still got some nice pictures !

*displayed here is a very gigih SPM student*

*so you giving us the money or nah*

Alhamdullilah because I feel incredibly loved this year, spending time with family and having so many friends to be thankful for. If you are celebrating, I hope you are feeling just as special, and if you are not, I hope you are having an equally good day. 

Okay , kitchen duty calls. Go load up on all that rendang and cookies !!!

Love,

Mirr

Friends for keeps

Yesterday night, I met up with a bunch of my friends who I've known since early high school.

I made plans to Iftar with Mire and Acai, since its been a while since I properly hanged out with these two. Since these two friends have been dealing with me for so long now, and life has been testing them  quite a lot recently, I decided to treat them to dinner at Nook, Aloft Kuala Lumpur. They gave us a elevated table which was sort of sectioned off from the crowd, which was nice because Mire and I can get extremely embarrassing in public  comfortable around each other. 

So Mire carries around a bunch of plasters. She's very prone to falling down and bruising herself so its basically necessary. As you can see she's pretty proud about it. Acai battled with the coffee machine 3 times. He got pretty fed up, it was real cute to watch lol. We loaded up on the Ramadan buffet and ended up absolutely stuffed.

Background info!

Amirah (I mean Mire) and I went to the same high school (TKC), which was an all girls government boarding school. We got placed in the same dorm in Form 1, and in the same class from Form 2 up till our senior year. But to be fair, I don't think we needed all this setting up. We got close overanalysing books, movies, songs and overall concepts, and eventually got labelled 'pembangkang kelas' for all our crazy questioning. We're almost polar opposites, but she's been by my side through everything and I absolutely love her.

I had a crush on Faisal (read : Acai) in Form 2. We we're both the reserves in our respective debate teams and we met at HKSBP in Kelantan. He was one year older and probably the best looking guy in the whole tournament. A few tournaments and years later, I realised we make better friends than we ever would a couple, and we've been that way ever since. He's the elder brother figure in my life, and I appreciate his harsh advice all the time.

Oh yeah, Im also their favourite 3rd wheel. 

After we were done with dinner, we met up with Jason, Kelvin and Razzaq. We headed to Sakae Sushi since they hadn't eaten yet, and later chilled at Aloft's rooftop pool. It has a great view and they had bean bags out so it was great to just chill and catch up.

Jason, Razzaq, and Kelvin were also friends I met via debate. Here's a pic of us back in 2013, when we all represented Malaysia in Turkey. 

It was a big deal this reunion, because Razzaq left for the UK to do A levels and Jason to Costa Rica to do IB at UWC, and it was the first time I would meet the both of them, together, after a year of being in three different time zones. I've gotten real close to this two, Razzaq and I are eternally shipped (we are not in love, sorry to disappoint!)  and Jason gives the best hugs ever, and it works. It was so so good to see them, I kept taking candid photos of the two (I'm kind of clingy so...)

It was such a great night, being around friends who have stuck around for me for literally years. I went home feeling so loved, and before I went to bed, I thought about how lucky I am. 

Its easy to not count the the blessings you have when you've hit a low, its so easy to forget all that you have. But you should always try, because if you keep focusing on the things you don't have, you miss out on all the gems you have in your hands. Yesterday reminded me that I am blessed with so many people who love me, who have put up with my ever changing life choices and chose to be there for me, literally no matter what. So if you ever need a pick me up, make plans with old friends, and make it a point to think only good things, stop playing with your phone, and just, enjoy the company. It makes such a difference, and I know its common sense, but its something so many of us forget. 

I truly am blessed. Even now Im at Saida's, in my kaftan with smores and Iced Peach Tea. I can only hope to be as much a a friend to all these people as they are to me.

Takeaway of the day :

Give credit to those who love you.

Love, 

Mirr