I started the year with a broken heart, and my life was shaken up from day one. A lot of things changed, against my will, and I was a crying wreck for the most part. The year started with me constantly feeling inadequate, and I fed off the negativity, beating myself up in the process.
Earthquakes though, are the perfect opportunity for reconstruction.
I ended the year feeling happier than I've ever felt, feeling more myself than I've ever been, being the most honest with myself than I ever dared to be. I ended the year, in a good place. In a place where I could chose happiness, where I never really felt lonely, and most importantly, a place where I could love myself.
In 2015, I was at my absolute weakest when I found true love, in the form of open arms, offers to bunk in the corners of people's chalets, and so much patience. I witnessed friends who once saw me at my strongest, love me just as equally as I literally crumbled. Friends who have never seen me anywhere near that weak, hold my hand and told me that I am not a disappointment, that I am okay. Friends that proved that they'd always be there, almost volunteering to hold my hand even if it meant walking through hell with me. I got so much care from a group of girls who had only my weakest to judge me by, they offered me their homes and unconditional love. They loved me so hard, I am still filled to the brim with it, four months after every single one of them moved out of the country. I met a boy who was overflowing with understanding, someone who allowed me to grow, someone who changed all my previous definitions of love.
In 2015, I was so desirably thin, so unhealthy, and so unhappy. I started eating, I started putting health first. I stopped believing in my narrow definition of beauty. I stopped pretending to have skin that I don't have, stopped punishing my body for the simple act of supporting my being. Beauty, I've decided, is a state of mind, not a size or a skin type. It is being comfortable at your very core about the person you honestly are. I fought against my own self, and I won.
In 2015, I went after what made me happy. I came to terms with a whole lot of things, and I pursued what I thought was necessary. In 2015, I achieved genuine happiness and acceptance of myself, and that was harder than any debate tournament, exam or interview.
2015 was the year that I began to truly, love myself.
I think thats important. You need to create a life that you are proud of, one that you can smile when you're alone reflecting. You need to be able to walk alone in the crowd and be okay, we need to be able to be sure of ourselves. Loving yourself, I've learned, is the prerequisite to loving others properly. It is the basis of making good choices, it is vital in the construction of a life that you can be proud of.
I want to do for the world what my loved ones have done for me. I want to shock people with my capacity to love, my ability to accept, and my will to keep going.
I also want to attempt to blog more regularly (hahhaaahahaa, seriously though)
Happy first day of the year everybody, thank you tons for helping me create this space. Its become an important facet of my being, thank you. Good luck with 2016, you have my absolute best wishes.
When I was younger, I read this book series by Enid Blyton called the caravan family. It told tales of adventures that one family, who lived in a caravan (I think, I've long forgotten the details to be honest ) and ever since then, I've always wanted to experience caravan-ing.
And I finally got to do that in New Zealand !
A caravan is basically a home on wheels. The one we rented had a bathroom (with a shower) , a kitchen complete with a stove and grill and fridge, a tv which we never used, surround sound radio, 3 beds - one huge one at the back, one right behind the drivers seat which can be converted into seats and one above the drivers seat. We also were given a gps device, which is actually like a tracker for our van, but its not like so they know where we are or anything weird like that. What it actually does is allow you to sync to this radio station (Tourism radio) and when you drive by a point with some sort of history, it'll give you a signal and tell you the story behind that place. Many times this device pointed out attractions we didn't plan on visiting, and the station plays good oldie music too. Our van was one of the bigger models, but even then, it was a pretty small space. There were a lot of 'excuse me ' s' and 'can you pass the baldi your nearer'. Being the clingy set of siblings we are, Dina Imran and I all slept upstairs and gave our parents the luxury of having one bed each.
Our Bedroom
Travelling by caravan is not uncommon in New Zealand. A lot of people opt for it, and they've designed their towns and cities so that caravans can drive around and park easily. Of course, in the more townier towns, like on the North Island, it's a bit more challenging and there are less parking spots, but there was hardly any trouble ever looking for parking. There are some no drive roads, but they point that out to you so its good. This way of travelling does require a bit of maintenance, we had to fill up the gas tank almost every day (keep in mind we were travelling 300 km on a daily basis), and mess becomes more obvious because you're living in such a small space. So, it works like this, every night, we drove up to a holiday park when we would have pre-booked a powered site. That means, they have port where you can charge the van (Yes, we actually charge it haha). When the van is plugged in, we can use all outlets and power in no problem, but when we're moving, we can't use the plugs cause we wanna make use theres enough electricity to keep the fridge and hot water and lights and radio and whatever is actually necessary. Every few days we have to fill up the fresh water tank, which is basically clean water to use as well as empty out the waste water tank, which is the used water. There's a toilet, and every few days we have to take out the dump basin and wash it out and replace a new chemical in it. It doesn't smell or anything in the caravan I swear, the chemical is really strong it really does dilute all human waste smell, so dumping isn't that bad haha. We clean our van every night and every morning before we leave, and make sure everything is secure because in a moving car, things slide and fall off. Its also technically against the law to not wear seat belts while the caravan is in motion, but truth be told, I was lying down in the bed at the back 80% of the time, seatbeltless (not a good habit don't use me as an example, we got pulled over by the cops once haha)
So lets get into some pros and cons of caravan travel.
Pro's
You are in full charge of your holiday. You get to plan what you want to see, where you want to go, and skip whatever it is you feel you want to skip. This also means you can alter your trip to suit your budget. But truly, the great part of this is that you get to see so much more by caravan, every single minute you look out the window, tadaa, instagram worthy view (check mine out if you don't believe me). You also get to stop wherever you want, and take less touristy routes. There were plenty of times we found a beautiful gorge or a fields of wild flowers and just stopped by the road, you don't get to do that if your tied down to someone else transporting you. Admittedly, this requires a lot of planning, but my parents love planning and this has been my dads dream holiday, so it was more of a bonus than anything for us. Kudos to my dad though, we covered so much and his picked the best routes.
Its convenient. You never have to keep packing and unpacking, just once at the beginning and once at the end. You have a fridge so you can snack at any moment of the day, a toilet so you don't even have to stop to pee, a bed so you can have a proper nap. You don't even have to change out of your pyjamas, and that is a hugeee plus point for me. Everything you brought with you will be with you the whole time, and you don't have to go throughout the trouble of lugging it around in a back pack either. Its great, I wish I could bring my house everyday all the time.
Great opportunity for bonding. I mean come on, I was stuck in a car with my family for 2 weeks. But, I actually really enjoyed it. If I wanted space, I just had to wait till we stop then I have the whole city to roam (but tbh I wasn't aching to have space). It made everyone more aware of each others (and the van's) needs, and we even tackled some issues that we probably wouldn't have been able to if we had to choice to run away and isolate ourselves from each other (I promised not to whine as much haha.) I think, that it made mt family so much closer, made my siblings and I super mature because we just had to do things without being told and that made my parents trust us so much more. I know some people would consider so much closeness for such a long period of time a bad thing, but it really was such a great family bonding experience for me. I have a really tight knit family to begin with though, but still, its just so nice to live with each other in such small space after years and years of being away (boarding school goer since 13 whats your story?). Plus, its my last holiday with them before uni, I wanted to be surrounded by them haha.
Cons
Things get a little crazy while driving. I mean the driving itself is crazy, you'll need a good driver, and a good support team. Ibu, my mom, drove the whole way (#GIRLPOWER) and we were always ready to get her chocolates and chips and coffee (did I mention we finished one chocolate bar a day there, I gained 2 kgs!). But its not just the driving, its they making sure everything is okay. Cause see, its simple physics, when the car stops moving things don't stop inertia bla bla bla basically anything that isn't in a cupboard or held onto will fall down a wreck havoc. This took a bit of getting used to. The cupboards in the van are fitted with safety latches so they rarely open spontaneously. Dina Imran and I would be running around (okay tiptoeing, no space to run haha) the van catching things, my laptop fell once even but its fine *phew*. We soon discovered the magic of blu tacking your things down, and using masking tape to tape things. Top tip, if you are going to travel via caravan, bring blu tack, it'll save your life.
Its not luxurious. we only showered at holiday parks, because that'll save us the trouble of refilling the water tank too often. And that means communal showers. You also have to do most things by yourself, drive by yourself, clean by yourself, cook by yourself. The beds aren't super soft, and the pillow aren't made of goose feathers. Everything is made for practicality, and you don't want to be bringing too many clothes, so if you have a problem repeating outfits, you'll have a problem living in a caravan. My family and I didn't mind (I personally want to be a gypsy hence don't mind the hobo life), but it is a con worth considering.
You'll need patience. You don't want big fights to break out, or go travelling with people you can reconcile with easily. The small space kind of makes it easier to get frustrated, so you'll need to be mindful and be patient above all things. You don't wanna go travelling with a dark cloud trailing behind you, thats not fun at all! So yes, patience, lots of it.
I personally loved caravan travelling, I could do it for years and years (I claim la, put me to the test we'll see). Its so fun and its the best way of travelling if you want to cover land, cause like I said, no packing and unpacking, just park and drive. If you plan to stay in one spot for days and days and days, maybe not so fun, but if you want to travel, its the best bet in my opinion.
Oh and cost! Assuming you want to cover a lot of land, and not just explore one city, its actually cheaper to travel by caravan and stay in holiday parks than to stay in hotels and pay for transport.Im not too sure about details, but I think our van (keep in mind its one of the bigger more expensive models) was 200 dollars a day (a car is 120 a day, so its not that different). We also had to pay for our powered site at the holiday parks, but you have the option of just parking anywhere and camping. of course, there are places that don't allow you to do this, but we drove by lakes and beaches and saw some people just camping out in their vans, its pretty cool. There's gas and that sort of thing, but you'd have to pay for that anyway if you we're planning to travelling a lot. Another cheaper option would be wolfing. This is a term I learned in New Zealand by some wolfers, which means, you sort of sign up to do work and you get paid in service (e.g. free rooms, free meals, free tours). This way, you don't need to apply for a visa to work there (I think Im going to try this when I go to the UK InsyaAllah). There's also a lot of people in New Zealand who are foreigners but work in places like ice cream stalls and orchards. New Zealand is underpopulated, so the government set up a special work visa that last for 6 months for anyone over the age of 18. Wolfing and Working while travelling is very common in New Zealand, so many people do it. If any of you want details, just message me personally and I'd be glad to help.
Before I end this post, I just wanna talk about the company we booked our caravan with. We booked with Ahmad Caravan, which is based in Malaysia. They specialise in Muslim travel, so when we booked with them , they provided us things like a clay solution in the form of a spray bottle for us to samak our plates and pots and pans that were provided in the caravan (saved us the trouble of looking for clean soil). We also got a plastic praying mat, so we had the option of praying outside our van. They gave us a lot of advice about how to carry our everyday Islamic routines easily, and made it so easy for us lah. They also advised us on where to go, what to see, which routes to take. Their also very cheap, offer great packages and convoy options, and cater for Australia and some parts of Europe too. Heres the link to their website if you want to check them out : http://www.ahmadcaravan.com
This may just be my last post for 2015. Its been a great year, and I've been blogging for 6 months now. I want to make a promise to blog more, and more regularly next year, but you know, I have my A level exams and of April so I'll just try my best okay? In any case, I hope you've had a great year, and take some time these next few days to reflect how the year has been for you. Thanks for continuing to read this blog, and I really enjoy sharing my experiences with you (and am so happy when I get comments cause then I get to KNOW you, you know? haha). Happy New Year everybody.
Enjoy some more pictures of our caravan :
Check out the view, both dina and the scenery outside haha
Our Driver
Oh, and its Saida's birthday tomorrow, go wish her!
It really is. My family and I just came back from a 2 week adventure on caravan, and it was an adventure of a lifetime, and naturally, I have a lot to talk about and a lot of pictures to share. Its been so great, I felt so great, everything was so booootiful, I hope heaven looks like New Zealand.
Okay, so Im going to try and be objective here, honest.
I'll be doing a few post, haven't planned how exactly I plan to compartmentalise all the post I plan to write, but I do know that I'll do one exclusively for caravan travelling/alternatives, my sky diving and whale watching experiences, and whatever else I feel like writing about really (you know me and my lack of blogging discipline- side note, maybe that should be my new years resolution?)
So today, I'll be telling you about my route, as well as the top 3 places I visited, in terms of scenery.
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New Zealand is divided into 2 island, North Island and South Island. Simplistically, North Island has bigger towns, the capital is there, and most if not all of the nations administration is based somewhere in the North Island. South Island is more rural and scenic in my opinion. The towns are smaller, the farms are big and a plenty. Its less busy. Driving around in a caravan, we found that roads on the south island were smaller but they were never seriously busy, while the bigger roads in the north sometimes got very busy. Different challenges, all good just the same if you ask me. Okay, so, we started our adventure in Christchurch. From there we headed south, all the way to the tip, then we head back up, to Christchurch, crossed over to Wellington, drove up to Auckland then went home. But let me just break that down for you, our exact stops were :
We made many many many stops from one place to the other. These stops are just where we camped overnight, but our actual activities were all done along the way. We slept in a different town every night, which meant we didn't have much time in each place but we got to cover a whole lot of ground and see many many things.
New Zealand is so beautiful, it looks like when God was creating it, he spent a little more time and turned up the brightness and saturation and everything. Also, the people there are super friendly! Like every where we went the waiters and waitresses and the people selling tickets were polite and it seemed like everyone is always in a genuinely nice, friendly mood. Also, people there are ready to help you with your trip. There were a few times our activities had to get cancelled due to the weather and stuff like that, but every time the very company we booked with would ring up other companies and totally plan the next best thing for us. They're not kedekut business at all, or at least from what I see, but Ayah told me they probably get commission for getting bookings for other companies so maybe its not like purely altruistic but in any case thats a great policy. It made everyone there eager to sell, eager to recommend and get you the best deals, even from companies that aren't their own. If you get chatty with the staff at whatever souvenir shop or restaurant you're at, and tell them where your next stop is, they'd probably point out some attractions that most people would miss out, and most of the attractions locals recommend are the free ones so that always a good thing haha. Like, when we we're driving to Rotorua, we knew we wanted to go see the geysers and mud pools. The internet and tourism companies suggested this one place, but we had to get tickets for admission. But right before we went, we were buying honey and the staff at the honey shop told us about this other place which is less touristy and slightly smaller but it was for freeeee and I like free stuff. So yeah, if you are planning on going, try find out from the locals where you should go. Really, if you're ever in New Zealand just ask around if you ever need help. If they don't know they'll be super polite about it, and if they do they'll be a big help.
I felt like I was living in an instagram picture while I was there, it was really that scenic and beautiful. Even the drives were pretty, just looking out the window and stuff (and seeing lots and lots of sheep, NZ has a 7:1 sheep to human ratio!). Its so hard to pick whats the absolute most prettiest place, but it'll be impossible for me to blog about every single thing I did and every single scene I saw. Here's my personal top 3 most beautiful places ( but even then its so hard to choose!)
Lake Tekapo
Lake Tekapo was our first stop, and our first experience at a holiday park. This is a panorama I took from where our van was parked, so we could literally wake up, walk out, and see all this. Its the second largest lake in New Zealand, and is surrounded by a lot of lupins. Lupin is a wild flower that grows in New Zealand. They locals call it a weed (ugh) but its too pretty to be called a weed in my opinion, so ill settle with wild flower *so exotic right*
On top is a picture of the lake with the lupin, and the bottom one is the closest picture I have of these flowers. I took a few walks down to where all the flowers grew and it made me feel like a fairy, surrounded by all the pretty wild flowers. We took plenty of pictures, excuse me while I spam.
Theres a church at Lake Tekapo which happens to be the most famous wedding spot, due to the beautiful scenery. But really, isn't that expected, its so pretty here. I found a place where the lupin sort of clears and its like a empty round area with the trees in the background which have quickly become my fantasy wedding place.
Aside from being pretty, you can stargaze at Lake Tekapo, and not just normal stargazing, serious stargazing. From lake Tekapo, you can join a stargazing tour by Earth & Sky which takes you to Mount John observatory, a 15 minute drive up a hill where at night, they don't shine any white light to prevent light pollution. When we went, it was freezing and dark, and were giving small red lights because red light doesn't bounce around too much and therefore, doesn't diminish the ability to see the stars. But my god the night sky there, I've never seen anything like it. It was full of stars. The tour comes with hot chocolate and brownies and so we sat, cold with out hot cups, looking up at the magnificent sky. They do research at Mount John, which is why we couldn't interfere with out white lights and cameras and phones and all that. We learned a bit about the stars, and greek as well as Maori legends that are attached to the constellations. I also got to see gemini (my star sign!)
The sky literally looked like that. Shame that this is the only photo we got, but it really was amazing.
Lake Pukaki - Mount Cook
So Mount Cook is the highest mountain in New Zealand. People normally go straight to Mount Cook but we just saw in from Lake Pukaki. Mount Cook in the white one in the background. But the view here my god, amazing. We spent about an hour and a bit here, just looking at ALL THAT BLUE and theres a shop that sells alpine salmon, so we had lots of salmon sashimi.
The rocks you see are actually a slope going down, and Imran and I went all the way to the bottom right to the edge of the water. Not much to say about this place except its freaking beautiful. Ill let the pictures speak for themselves.
Batu pun lawa, haih.
Kaikora - In the middle of the sea
Say hi to my hat, which I lost shortly after this pic.
Okay so, the third was the hardest to pick. I mean, Rakaia Gorge had the prettiest clay blue water, Milford Sound was tranquil and breathtaking, but I mean, guys lets face it
How do you beat seeing a sperm whale?
Thats the tail, btw.
Kaikora used to be a whaling village, they'd hunt the whales for its blubber and meat. But after people there saw the light and learned that whales are facing existential doom, this changed, and they eat crayfish now (which is DA BOMB DA SHIZZLE). Kaikora is now huge on whale conservation, and does whale watching tours. You get into a fast fast fast boat, into the middle of the sea, and they track whales for you. The tour took about 3 hours, but we got to see 2 whales and a pack of dusky dolphins. Also, I don't think I've ever been that out into sea before, its quite scary. Kilometres of water under you, yikeys. I didn't take many pictures, which is sad, but hey my hat flew off and I got really paranoid after that.
Sperm whales are the biggest toothed whales out there. They spent 80% of their lives under water, and come up for oxygen. I don't think they eat humans, but they do eat giant squids (which are giant btw, more giant than you and me put together ). There are quite kuat one these whales, walao let me tell you. They can look for food using sound waves, and when they find something they wanna eat, they target it straight at their prey, and kind of like machine gun at you, but with sound, just sound okay. Your body would vibrate so much, that you internal organs would turn to mush and you'd be paralysed on the spot, if not killed. The tour is pretty much sitting, going out, getting told to get in really quick cause they found a whale, seeing it for a few minutes then taking pictures and sitting back in to find more whales. I actually really enjoyed seeing a pack of Dusky Dolphins, there were around 200 of them surrounding the boat! Dusky Dolphins are not only adorable, they are mighty sexy and sex driven (hehe) and have sex like 15 times a day. They also never stop moving, from the day they were born till the day they die. They even eat, sleep and have sex while on the move.
I have videos of whales surfacing and dolphins swimming, but not many pictures. Nevertheless, enjoy.
If you want to see the dolphins, I put a lot of footage of them swimming in the video compilation of my trip. There's also scenery of other things there which is pretty and amazing and beautiful. Ill insert that below for those of you who want to see :)
My trip really was amazing. We also planned the whole thing by ourselves, where to stop, what to see, so I'm (or at least my dad haha) is pretty informed about New Zealand by now. If you have any questions feel free to comment below or contact me.
I'll be writing more on this, and hopefully be writing more regularly in general. Okay, gotta go, heading to Hilton with my family on my moms side for a little city get away.
How's youssss? Its been a while since I've updated this blog about my life and how Ive been doing and all that. Apologies! I have a reallllly good excuse though, I've been so busy with Bangsawan.
Bangsawan is an annual malay drama competition amongst houses in KY. Its one of the main events for KY every year, and typically, all houses literally slave for weeks to put on a good show. Theres so much that goes into it, props, painting backdrops, sewing costumes ; its this huge team effort, do-it-for-the-house kind of thing (I mean, I haven't gone back in 3 whole weeks for this).
This year, I was co-directing and my house -Sapphire- staged the tale of Puteri Saadong, a Kelantanese legend. I personally really like the story, its one of those antara daulat dan cinta kind of things, and it was really tough to pull off. For one, we had a lot of scenes in Thailand, and no one knew anything about Siamese palace protocols or what to dress our Siamese actors in. We learned that even the highest ranked officers used to bow down and not even look at the Siamese king back then. We didn't win this year, but Im still proud of the play we put on. And also, we had so much fun preparing it, the Sapphire junior batch are super supportive and hard working and funny, so they all came down to contribute, and we had so many laughs. Seriously, sometimes Id have a bad day, and I'd dread having to come down but the cast made me laugh every day, without fail.
I posted a few sneak peeks and Bangsawan parody posts. You can search #SapphiretakesBangsawan on instagram for more parady post or #Bangsawan2015 for all the pictures from all the houses!
Anyway, now that Im done with that, I am soooo ready to go home. I've even started packing! In reality, I have a whole week of classes left but its prooving to be really hard to get through, Im in holiday mode already haha. There's a lot of other events in KY, we have Christmas dinner tonight, End of Sem retro themed dinner on Wednesday and Sapphire Appreciation Party on Thursday, but still, I wanna go homeeeeee. I'll be away most of December on this caravan trip with my family overseas, don't want to give too much away, but its so exciting and I cant wait! Its also my last holiday with family before I go to uni so I want to make the best of it.
So I'll be on school this next one week, itching to get out of here and refreshing my UCAS track page. Just waiting for decisions from 3 unis, one of them being my first choice uni so lots and lots of prayers. Until next time :*
You'll wake up feeling not quite kid, not quite adult. Everyone treats you as somewhere in between. You'll wake up feeling like two opposites in one body.
19 is the year of transition, the epitome of paradox. That weird stage before you get to be your own person.
Maybe one day you'll wake up feeling inevitably lost.
But maybe being found is overrated. Maybe being unsure is alright. Maybe confidence is good but uncertainty is just as fine. Can't I be a conservative liberal? I feel like a submissive feminist. Maybe its possible that Im a strong willed girly girl.
Maybe growing up doesn't mean deciding to be one or the other, maybe its deciding to be you. Whatever concoction that may be.
I've lived a life of in betweens, maybe growing up means that I stop associating that with being lost. Maybe its being at peace with all the paradoxical facets of your being. Maybe everyone who doesn't get that doesn't matter. Maybe thats the opposite of loneliness.
Famous for their trademark zigzag edges and metal dUck logo charm, duckscarves are all the rage nowadays. I have friends who go to great lengths to get limited edition pieces; line up for absolute hours, skip classes, the works lah! Its so impressive, props to dUck and FV for your amazing marketing. Personally, I love the colours the brand offers, they're literally so yummy and are all named after food too! But these shawls come with their own unique set of challenges, that I don't think people (who don't already have duckscarves) know about. I personally feel like these scarves aren't the cheapest, ( RM 120 for a basic premium scarf which are the plain colour ones, and RM 170 for limited edition) and I know some people actually save up for them. I think its only fair that you know exactly what you are buying.
Although I'm not as die hard as a fan as some, I do have my very own duck collection of 5 scarves : two from the bamboo cotton range, one from the peach skin range, one satin silk and a limited edition piece. I'll be reviewing the scarves range by range.
The Bamboo Cotton Range
From this range, I have the colours Scones ( top row) and Mushroom Soup (bottom row)
First thing to note is that, the actual colours of the scarves aren't exactly as shown in the website. As you can see in both pictures, the website tends to be a little lighter than the actual scarves, still pretty close and theres not thatttt much difference but still. For scones specifically, its really hard to capture the actual colour. It is this lovely pink with an undertone of orange ( honestly one of the prettiest shawls I own), but the closest picture I could get to the actual colour of the scarf is the top right one, (the crumpled one, yes, haha). For the most part, the colours are still so pretty but you should keep them in mind when purchasing online. Also, colour inconsistencies are most apparent in this range.
I have such a love hate relationship with the material of this range. Its soft and is unlike any other cotton scarf, the material is really unique and so nice to touch honestly! But, as you can see in my pictures, they wrinkle SO EASILY. Im talking, taking off the hijab to go pray, and having to put it on the exact same say because the wrinkles are so bad, and Im not even the type to care much. If you want to experiment how to wear a scarf, just do it wrinkled, then iron after you are VERY SURE with how you want it to be. Its also a heavy material, and in addition to the width and length of duckscarves, which are wider and longer than most shawls, its hard to do some looks i.e. the sleeker ones. So take note of your hijab styling as well, cause this material may not work for you. The heavy material also means, no doing anything strenuous in this shawl, its hard to keep on, and also isn't like cooling or anything like that. Not like its hot, its just not cooling. I find that even when going to open houses or doa selamats, really chill functions you know, my pins tend to come off and I have to redo it a lot because of how thick the material is. Overall, if you have a lot of patience, and enjoy a soft, amazing feel to the fingers (thought your head doesn't really feel it lol), this material would work for you.
The Peachskin Range
I have one scarf, in the colour Pecan Pie. On the left is how its shown on the website, and on the right is an unfiltered picture (same goes to the ones above, no filter so you can see the colours!) Its less yellow than in the website irl.
This material is also very unique. It does feel like a peach, sort of fuzzy! (but no visible fuzz don't worry). Its also very elastic, like you can slightly stretch it no kidding. At first I didn't like this, but I found you can actually stretch it to pin it in certain places so it helps with styling, kinda. Its very light as well, and much more cooling in comparison to the bamboo cotton. But it does kind of feel like rubber a bit, only slightly, but enough for me to be like, 'eh apa ni' when I first got it. It doesn't crumple as easily as the bamboo cotton, but if you are particular about wrinkles, you'd still have to iron it back out after experimenting. Still wouldn't work out in this scarf of anything like that, but it is the lightest material of all the dUcks I own. so thats nice. Sleeker styles would work with this one. I started out hating this scarf but now, I quite like it.
The Satin Silk Range
In this range I have the shade chocolate fondue. It looks pretty accurate from the website even. But anyway, I LOVE this satin material. Its not too shiny, like most cheaper satin scarves, so it looks classy. The sheen is just nice, shiny enough to look luxe, but not like, tacky satin shine. Lovely! The satin comes with usual satin problems, its slippery and you'll need a anak tudung and pins and everything, but this is actually my favourite satin tudung. This much be the least crumply material. I think I once didn't even iron it! Its wide and long like all duckscarves, but its light so you can style it pretty easily. No complaints about this range, if you have a fancy event, I say get one from this range.
The KL scarf
Ah, the KL scarf, I know so many people went crazy to get their hands on one of these. Mine was a gift, so I didn't have to go through all the trouble hehe. but it isss beautiful. The KL skyline, printed on a scarf. It works. So note that the print on the white ones is in blue, not black. Like really dark blue, you could still so monochrome with it. As you can see, it crumples too, so need to iron lah! But my main concern with this scarf is, how do you display the print ?!?! Still haven't found a nice way of doing it, but really, even if you only see a bit of stacked up print, people know what you're wearing. Like OMG, the KL scarf. But really, if you can't display the print it doesn't look nice. Ive found one way, but it involves you having a longgggg tudung at the back especially. So yeah. Love having this piece more than I love wearing it. Maybe I should frame it ?
In general, if you hate ironing, do not get a duck scarf. You definitely have to, every single time you want to wear it. If you are travelling, you might want to reconsider packing your ducks, cause of the whole ironing issue. The charms tend to fall off too, Ive had to sew back on one of my charms, but apparently you can email them and they'll send you some charms for free. All shawls are long and wide, so that's something you might want to consider.
Duckscarf just restocked on Fashion Valet last night so go check them out if you want. I hope this review helped!
I am sat here, in the Resource Center in KY, the most nervous I have ever been in my life.
I just did all my corrections on UCAS, and Im just waiting for final comments about my personal statement before I submit in my application form. Yes, my actualy legit real application to university in the UK. This form will literally determine my next 4 years, and my degree and in my opinion, a lot of the rest of my life. This online page, this is it.
This page looks so, standardised. It almost disturbs me that this is alllll that my dream univerity admission officers will know about me. I mean COME ONE, Let me take you to coffee come get to know me better, IM MORE THAN THIS. But alas, this is it, this is all I get to show and I have flexed all I can flex.
UCAS allows you to apply to 5 unis in England, and 4/5 of my choices are all London schools, haha. Yeahp, putting allll my cards in. Im so grateful for KY's University Relations office. They have earlier deadlines and I was complaining a lot about it, but in hindsight, they guided me and my friends a lot. Don't think other colleges have an office dedicated to University applications or have people as dedicated as our Pn Kas. Still though, I am extremely anxious, and Im just praying praying and prayinggg that I get into my first choice uni.
Ok I sort of wrote this to just de-gelabah. If any of you are applying to UCAS as well, good luck!
Every Sunday, my whole family on my moms side comes over for dinner. Sunday also happens to be the day I go back to college, if I go home for the weekend and thats admitedly, every weekend so far this semester (#manja). Its a bittersweet affair for me really but its nice to be able to play with my baby cousins before I go back to boarding school.
But anyway, before I leave home I say goodbye to everyone and make a fuss about me going back to school and being all like 'Dont miss me too much' or 'Send me Ayden and Alexa videos' and the classic 'Im going back to jaiiiillllll wont you missssss meeeeeee you guys love me riiiight.'
But sometimes I say this :
'Okay guys, its time for me to go back home'
Then I get so mad at myself. What are you saying Mira, KY is not home. How can you betray yourself like this, you are home, you're just going back to prison. Cmon mirr you are not allowed to associate boarding school with the word home, do not tarnish that sacred term !!!!!!!! >:/
In all truth, I used to say this when I have to go back to TKC as well, it just slips out! (TKC is the high school I went to, which is a fully residential all girls government boarding school which translates to 5 years of regimented lifestyle). As much as it frustrates me, I don't want to call a place that puts so much distance between my loved ones and I as 'home' , I guess, it kind of is.
I spend most of my life at whatever institution I am enrolled into, a much bigger fraction of my time is allocated to me being in boarding school. I sleep in my school bed more than my bed in my house, I eat more meals at the KY's dining hall than in my dining room at home. I see these walls way more than I see the walls at home, I've assimilated, I've become so familiar with my surroundings here, I guess its weird to call it school. Plus, I make connections here, like, my own little KY family.
I've been shipped off to study in different states ever since I was 13, it almost feels weird to be at home for a long period of time. My house is more of like a retreat for me, and I almost cannot be productive at home anymore. So is it fair for me to say my house is my home?
Despite all this, I dont feel like I can comfortably call an educational institution my home.
Once, I tried to find a home in other people. This concept is romantic, but it led me to moulding myself to fit into a whole other persons ideals. I don't think I can do that any more.
I feel like I was raised a nomad, with halfway houses and constantly packing and unpacking my suitcase. The term home can no longer be a physical space for me, neither is it approval from somebody else. Home, I've found, is where I can be who I want to be. It is a place where I can choose to become whoever I want to become, and feel comfortable. Not judged or forced to defend my stances. Ultimately, I am realising that the only home Ill ever have, and need, is within my own self.
Im still building my home, and its proving to be a confusing and interesting personal journey. What with boarding school and my involvement in debate, open minded yet religious parents and all the acquaintances Ive made, Ive been exposed to both extreme conservative and extreme liberal schools of thought, and a lot of in betweens. And while I want to build my home individually, with my very own chosen values, I am so grateful to have a handful of people who are supporting me, and reassuring me they love me no matter what.
Speaking of boarding school, my sister Dina is spending her last few weeks of being a student in TKC, which means SPM is justttt around the corner. Shes doesnt sneak in a phone to school, cause shes not like her elder sister, but I think she'll read this. All the bestt Dins, find a way to call me! Also, Id appreciate it if you guys doakan her and all, if ikhlas that is ☺️
Alrighty, going to nap now, because thats a huge part of my personality lol. Planning to blog more often, but with Bangsawan and dancing for Diwali, Im not sure if I have much time yikes! Hopefully Ill make time, so ttyl :*
I stepped on my weighing scale and realised that I gained 3 kgs in two months. And I'm okay with that. Im okay with that Im okay with that Im okay with that.
Its taken so much for me to be able to be say that and mean it. I've been preaching self love and acceptance for a long time, but in all truth, I'm far from mastering the art.
Growing up, I always wanted to be thin. Not slim, not fit, I wanted to be stick thin, but I never really did anything drastic about it. Sure, I dieted here and there, but never hurt myself for it. My parents made sure I ate my meals and being in a government boarding school, your meals are scheduled and you eat when your friends eat. But last year, a lot of things happened and as a result, I got really sad. I was the type to skip meals when I was stress, but this time, it was different. In hindsight, I did it all because a lot of the time I felt very ugly. I wanted some sort of validation that I was beautiful. The person who I turned to for this validation turned out to be toxic for me, and I pushed out pretty much everyone else. I tried to seek validation from somewhere else, so I turned to my weighing scale, and as a result, changed the way I lived my life. I started with eating less, which turned into eating less frequently, which turned into not eating at all. I got obsessed with measuring my body and weighing myself, and told myself ' If you lose one more kg, you will be beautiful'. I timed how long I could go without food, and kept telling myself, ' You want to be strong right, you can go one more hour'. I got to a point where I wouldn't eat or drink anything for days and completely lost the ability to enjoy food.
I got what I wanted. I lost 10 kg in a span of a month, I got the thigh gap I wanted. Everyone was telling me how much thinner I looked, everyone noticed and a lot of people we're complimenting me for it.
But here's what I also got.
Since I didnt eat and I had very little energy, so I spent a lot of my time sleeping. When I couldn't sleep, I would go about life in zombie like trance. I didn't laugh with my friends much, didn't feel excited about anything. I just didn't have the energy to be happy. I also didn't have the energy to do anything. I got tired after walking for 15 minutes, my legs would feel like I had run a marathon, and because of that, I despised going out. I remember walking around with my family, and had to ask them to stop every 20 minutes so I could sit down on a bench to rest, because I would feel like passing out. I couldn't participate in anything without my body hurting. My back ached constantly cause I had nothing but bones to support it and my knees always felt like they were giving out. I sacrificed genuinely enjoying time with my loved ones to be skinny.
My body punished me for the lack of nutrition; my skin broke out so bad, my acne scars took longer to heal. My hair started to fall, and my once thick mane became wispy thin. And the thing is, you don't get healthy immediately after you start eating healthy again, and I'm still paying for my not respecting myself with bad skin and really bad hair fall. My stomach got so used to being empty, every time I tried to eat a proper meal, it would reject it and I would get really bad tummy aches. My friends tell me now that while I was going through all that, I didn't look beautiful and thin, I looked sad. Some people made it a point to make sure I knew that they thought I was not beautiful, and I got a lot of anonymous comments telling me that I look disgusting. I remember vividly a comment that went something along the lines of, ' You might be skinny now but you are still fucking ugly. You can't change that, you look so sick.' It got to my mind too. I entered a vicious cycle where being sad made me starve myself, and starving myself made me sad. Every time I ate, I would feel guilty. Every break down I would have, my mind would respond by saying it my own fault, and that I do not deserve my next meal.
Who doesn't deserve to eat?
I know I am not the only person out there who has been unhappy with their body, and I know I'm not the first or the last person to make unhealthy choices based on these internal conflicts. But if you are thinking about/ already are hurting yourself to achieve your body goals, hi, this is for you.
Please take my word for it, it is not worth it. Your body is a vessel that was made to protect you, and every single part of it has its functions, yes, even the lumpy bumpy bits that you don't like. Your organs have to go somewhere and darling, they need protecting. Your mother spent 9 months of her life, thats like giving up a whole year, to make that body. Someone invested that much time to make it what it is, you owe it to your mother to take the best possible care of yourself.
You should never feel like you have to lose weight (unless you are severely obese and it poses a risk on your life or something along that tangent). Do not let anyone, even yourself, feel like you need to be smaller than you already are or that you have to change your body. If anything, body types are all a hype anyway. One moment Kate Moss's stick thin body frame is in style, and the next, everyone wants Kim K's booty. Don't worry too much, your body wasn't made to be a hype. Your body was meant to take care of you, and be taken care of. Cherish it, respect it for what it truly is. Plus, who wants to be a trend anyway, you are the only person who can be you. Isn't that cool? So embrace whatever you are, no matter what shape or size you happen to be, literally none can work your body the way you do.
And even if you want to lose weight or tone up, there are healthy ways to do that. You can exercise and eat better. It'll make you feel great too (not that I know la I'm a lazy bum). So please please opt for these methods. It is not fun nor necessary for you to have to put your body through so much pain to look a certain way.
And if you are already in that vicious cycle, reach out to people who genuinely love you. Stay away from people who are insensitive and think its funny to use your insecurities as jokes. These people are toxic, and disrespectful. Instead, surround yourself with people who make you feel like the more weight you gain only means that they have more and more of you to love. Go see a therapist, it helps a ton. Spend one day eating somewhere with light but delicious portions and fall in love with eating again, its not easy but you can get there, trick is to not go head first and down a steak. Fall in love with salads and soups and light meals. If you know anyone who is struggling with things like these, be there for them and surround them with love and positivity. Remind them about qualities that you like, and try not to focus so much on their bodies. Be the person to take them out for a light, nice and delicious meal!
Eating disorders are something almost everyone doesn't understand. While its a fragile, heavy topic, it is one that must be addressed and will truly only get worse if left to be. I hope that with sharing this, its shed some light to the actual gravity the issue. While it is a problem, its ultimately one that is entirely possible to overcome.
At all times, remember you are not your body. You are a soul, you have a body. If you are to worry about anything, it should probably be how beautiful you are on the inside.
We were in econs, drawing graphs of some sort when Fie turned to me and asked,
' What will you do if he leaves you?'
I know heartbreak. Ive gone into a relationship which is admitedly my first real experience with love and it came and it left and my life was in shambles when it did. I guess almost all experiences with first loves leave you with some degree of tragedy, a story to remember. I got my fair share of scars to bear. But what happened happened, and I reacted in the ways that I did and I am proud of how far I've come from where I was a little over a year ago.
While I do not appreciate the things some people have put me through, heartbreak brought me a humbling experience. Getting betrayed by someone who I thought was going to be the person I would spend my life with taught me a few things.
It made me truly understand that what someone does to you is a reflection of that individual, not you. Never let anybodies actions, words and choices define what you think about yourself and I mean this on all fronts. If someone says 'i hate you' he/she is saying that he/she hates you, not that you deserve to be hated, and vice versa. 'I love you' means I love you, not that you deserve to be loved. Statements and actions are extensions of the person doing them, and not mirrors of what you are, let that sink in a little.
In the moment, this was the hardest thing to believe. I wallowed in self pity and interpreted everything my ex did to me as a reflection of my worth, and once you get into that pit its hard to get out but hey, I did. If you are going through heartbreak, just hold on to to the fact that what Peter says about Jane says more about Peter than it does about Jane. Nobody can ever define who you are or put a measure to your worth, only you can do that.
I also got a reality check about how dangerous attachments can be. When things started to break, the first thing I felt was that I was absolutely lost. I was the type to be willing to give my life up for a guy, and admitedly, I tailor suited a lot of my life for him. People talk about selflessness like it is the most noble thing in the world, but everything has its limits. I learned to hold on to me, that any real love wouldn't demand for many sacrifices. I mean, I do believe in doing big things for the people you love, but keep some elements in your life as only yours. Whether it be things like how you dress, how you write, what you post on instagram, what you eat or what you do as a hobby, hold on to something separate from your relationship, hold on to something that is exclusively you. Don't get too attached to anything or anyone, you'll miss out on everything else life has to offer and once that thing is gone (and it most probably will go) you will be lost.as.fuck (not a fun place to be). Almost all things are temporary, so be ready for when life gets real. Just remember that temporary things can also be beautiful and ultimately worth it. We can never own love. Love will come when it has to, and love will go when it must. This is a quote from the poem 'When love arrives' by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye, and oh my did this poem help me understand the non ownership of love. I've linked the video for anyone who might want to watch the poem for themselves here ;
There were a lot of things I learned from my breakup, but ultimately, I learned that you will be okay and you are literally all you need. You have your life, and it feels amazing to make the choice to live it each and every day.
I am glad I took the time I did to get over it, and that I purged whatever I felt. I am a strong believer of the fact that there is undeniable strength in emotions, and if you need to cry 27 times a week so be it! My purge has made me come to absolute peace with all that has happened, and hey, now Im as ready as ever. Plus, you know how they say don't hate the game, hate the player?
Thats true. Cause Ive stumbled across a gem who asks for nothing but me to be myself.
