My Aidilfitri open house! 2015

It was the 3rd day of Syawal today and my family hosted a small open house. In malay cultures, Aidilfitri is a month long celebration and some people host open houses for people to come and indulge in good company and good food. 

This year we didn't fully cater so I was extra busy. Still had a lot of friends over and it was so great to see them, some of them are flying off for university soon so I made it a point to invite them since it may be their last raya in Malaysia for a while.  Nothing much to say except Im proud of my flower arrangements (I do the flowers for all family functions cause I like to pretend Im a florist and its cheaper). I'll just let the pictures tell you how the day went 

With my best friend of 9 years, Saida 

A little SKBD reunion, missing is Arman and Saida because they had to leave earlier

The World Schools Debating Championships 2013 reps from Malaysia, we went to Istanbul together. They all coincidentally matches and totally left me out 

5 years going strong 

Dina and I post open house, tired but satisfied.

Every night, after the open house, my moms side comes over and we eat the leftovers, order pizza (and its tradition in our family that the kids will pay for this) and play fireworks. Waiting for everyone to come back so we can get started on that, and can't waittttt to wash my hair haha.

Also, I forced everyone into recording a short video dubsmash, which I felt was so cute! Thanks everybody for layaning me hehe. You can check it out on my instagram by clicking one of the pictures on the instagram feed at top of my blog.

Overall, greatttt day. 

Love,

Miraa

Forgiveness and the first day of Aidilfitri

*me totally feeling the raya*

I dont know about you but First day of Raya afternoons are always naptime for me, sometimes Im not even tired but opps, naptime, ciao people.

(K no la Im not that rude I wait for the first wave of guest to go back and all) 

This year, I cut my nap short to blog a little. I've been getting the raya feels a lot this year, and Im not sure why but it feels good. Perhaps its because I've been working and I come home tired but I have to help out and cook and prepare for the open house because 1. We're pretty much maidless , 2. No caterers this year, just ordering in some food and 3. If not I get teased that I sibuk nak kahwin but 'how to kahwin if you don't cook clean all, if you get malay husband die one, if kena balik kampung dia lagi la, don't you want to have good relations with your mother in law etc etc' 

So a lot has been put into this year, maybe I just wanna see that it all sums up to a good celebration with family. I think its also that its my second last raya before I (insyaAllah) fly off. And also since its very concentrated on family, no boys messing with my life this year lol (makes a huge difference!) 

I went to Solat Raya with Dina, my little sister, and it was pretty emotional. I slipped in that we have one more year to do this together and insyaAllah we both wont be on our periods next year so we can pray together and stuff. Spent the whole khutbah hugging each other. When we got home, we got to the usual photo taking sessions at my Wans house. This is technically my kampung but its in Wangsa Maju, which is bam smack in Kuala Lumpur, so its not very kampung-ish but hey, Ill take what I can get, Alhamdullilah, that means 4 grandparents who are still around. After photo sessions were done, we started the whole salam salam asking for forgiveness routine.

Ok, so heres one thing I dont get. I understand that its good to have an annual day of apologising, a day to set all the scales back to 0-0 but, I dont know, it seems a little insincere to me? Like, why are you saying sorry, because its a public holiday? Because thats what we do? If so, do you really mean it? I mean, what does it even mean to be sorry about something? Or are you just using this as an oppurtunity to get clean and feel better about yourself? And what about if you are on the other side, what if whatever it is isn't forgiven? What if its not really 0-0? Does it make you a downright bitch to not forgive someone on this day even if you really don't feel like it. I mean, bandaids don't fix bullet holes and all that Taylor Swift Bad Blood stuff. I mean Im not talking about the passing 'maaf zahir dam batin', Im talking about like, if you really do have somethong to apologise for you know?

Still haven't answered all my questions about this, Im convinced I will with time, but as for now, Im not thinking too much about it. 

Nevertheless I totally cried during my salam raya. I have the tendency to want to admit the things that I did to my parents because I feel like that is sincerity? But this year it got a bit too emotional for me, haih, Im turning into an old emotional lady already lah. 

Still got some nice pictures !

*displayed here is a very gigih SPM student*

*so you giving us the money or nah*

Alhamdullilah because I feel incredibly loved this year, spending time with family and having so many friends to be thankful for. If you are celebrating, I hope you are feeling just as special, and if you are not, I hope you are having an equally good day. 

Okay , kitchen duty calls. Go load up on all that rendang and cookies !!!

Love,

Mirr

Gentle reminders for a ferocious heart

Your mother kept you inside of her long enough for your heart to start beating,

It never gave up on you,

Neither did she.

You don't really like the color red,

You can stop painting your skin in its shade.

I know that pain leaves too empirical a mark,

There are no scars to show for happiness,

So hold on to this.

You are more than your diagnosis,

Or all the people who are so brilliant at hurting you.

Once, you brought down your demon to his knees,

With a single glance.

You are blessed with an insatiable heart,

A beautiful mind,

With all its complicated psyche. 

Once, a reserved angel told you that she has loved you,

With all the sincerity in the world.

We are all things to be disposed of at the very end,

But your best friends cried when they hugged you that last time.

Remember

Once, a gentle giant fought for you,

Supported you until you made your own path.

You were born a nomad,

Homeless and boundless,

Guided by stars of your own making.

People would weep if you chose to drown.

Drugs, lube and wet paint

My first day as a trainee pharmacist today!

My god it was tiring. Like seriously, lesson number 1 :

If you are gonna be working as a pharmacist at a hospital, wear comfy shoes. Not even normal flats, that won't do, I was practically dying in mine by the time 5 pm came around and was hating myself for not wearing my birkenstocks. Really, birkenstock level comfort, nothing less. Don't even think about heels, this goes to future Mirr. If you have a date after work, put your heels in your bag or leave them in your car, but damn girl, you don't wanna be standing up and walking around from 9 till 5 in heels. 

So pharmacist hardly sit down. Which is a relief because I absolutely hate really dislike the idea of an office job, sitting down and facing documents and computer screens. But Imma tell you its so tiring, like, so so tiring. And this is just me; I spent the day arranging the new stock and helping pack up prescriptions for patients, which required a lot of walking because hoho, you don't even know how many cabinets there are. So much respect for other jobs that are more physically demanding, contraction workers and the likes, you have all my respect, tabik spring!

Lesson number 2 :

When they say get to know where everything is, GET TO KNOW WHERE EVERYTHING IS. Caution, this is not a drill, I repeat, THIS IS NOT A DRILL.  Because sooner or later, you're gonna get a bunch of labels handed to you, and you're gonna regret not properly getting to know the system of drug arrangements. I spent more than 15 minutes getting my first prescription sorted, and I was incredibly nervous because just this morning I read about a doctor who got sued for false prescription. When I was done, the pharmacist I was helping out said 'Faster next time girl, we don't have all day.' Memorise where everything is if you can, because it helps, it makes you a bit dizzy looking for drugs all day, especially if you're doing more looking than actually finding. (I saw more drugs than people today, whoopee, sneak peak into my -InsyaAllah- life as a drug dealer)

Now if you don't know where things are, lesson number 3 is :

Ask around! Sure, everyone might be looking at you a bit weird because you're the new girl who picked out shoes more based on aesthetic value than comfort, but everyone knows you don't know where stuff is yet. My funny story of the day is that, while sorting out the stock, I could locate where almost everything was except for one thing; Durex Jelly aka, lube. And, for some reason I was shy and quiet today, plus I didn't wanna tap someone on the shoulder and go all 'Excuse me, where does the lube go?' so the new girl was walking around with two bottles of lube in her hand, not knowing where to go with it. A nice staff member pointed it out eventually, but man that was embarrassing.

Lesson number 4 :

Your handwriting matters! My handwriting is not the best and I never thought it affected anything very much, but thats far from the truth! One of the pharmacist was teaching me how to read prescriptions, what certain things mean, and he jokingly said ' Later, when you do your degree, sign up for that extra course that teaches you how to read doctors handwriting' because its true, its horrible, and it makes life so much harder. (Note to self, improve your handwriting!)

All in all, I realised that pharmacist are way way busier than I expected them to be. Patients appreciate if they get their drugs on time, so everything is on rush. Also, the pharmaceutical industry isn't as profit crazy as critics make it out to be. Theres a whole system for refunding and cancelling orders, and patients don't even need to request for it. If you are an in-patient, and you don't take the drugs that are prescribed to you for whatever reason, we will automatically reverse the charges, without you even knowing it. 

I had an eye-opening, tiring but great day. Oh and if my lube story isn't embarrassing enough, I walked into a wall of wet paint while looking for saline solution.

Look at that paint :(

My day was ultimately made because I came home to this. 

Now its starting to feel like Raya.

Love,

 Mirr

Internship experience : Cytogenetics and Molecular Diagnostics Lab

So what do you do when you get ill?

You go to the clinic, or the hospital, meet the doctors, maybe take a few samples. A few days later you get diagnosed with whatever it is you have, get treated, and tadaa, healthcare, so simple right? All you have to do is meet your doctor.

In truth, theres so much more to healthcare than doctors. Your sample goes through a whole series of test in pathology labs, to get that diagnosis. And sometimes, a simple test won't do. Sometimes, we need to access your genetic code to figure out what exactly is the best treatment for you.

Thats what the cytogenetics and molecular team at Pantai Premier Pathology does!

*say hiii to everyone*

I spent close to two weeks shadowing this group of scientist, and I've learned so much. I've learned about extraction of nucleic acids, that some samples require only RNA and others only DNA. I've learned that extraction takes practically ageeessss, we spent one whole day on the extraction of the DNA of a tumour from the gastrointestinal tract of a patient. Literally hours, it takes a lot of patience. I've learned so so much about polymerous chain reactions (PCR), what they're for, what reagents you need and the relevance of a 2 hour cycle of changing temperatures to basically multiply the amount of genetic information you have. I've also learned the different ways you can analyse genes, you can do FISH (florescent something something hehe forgot the actual name) where you get to see whether or not mutation has occurred by analysing florescent dots, or you can do karyotyping, or you can do sequencing, which is basically separating the DNA strands and figuring out the corresponding bases to see if any mutations have occurred. 

Basically a lot of science, don't have my notes now but I'd be happy to share if anyone is interested. Here's a few pictures of the science : 

A biochemical safety chamber. There are UV lights fitted into these to make sure its free of contamination

Kak Sue in the pre-PCR room preparing for solid tumours and Asyraf running the test for respiratory diseases (they get H1N1 samples too!)

DNA bases ! Adenine, Guanine, Cytosine and Thymine in tubes 

I also got a chance to take my blood sample and run a karyotype to view my genes and all that. 

 1. My blood! 2. Making a culture so it multiplies and all that lol 3. After approx 48 hours of incubation in carbon dioxide, it looked a bit gel like.

After centrifuging, thats all my red blood cells at the bottom. And you get a glimpse of Nas in the background *hi Nasss*

My chromosomes under the microscope after staining on the left and on the right, they found my mascara while karyotyping haha!

Anddd thats me, and my karyotype, which is also me!

On top of learning a lot of science, I also learned that scientist have to be super OCD, bleaching and wiping things down with concentrated ethanol all the time. I've learned that I know so little, even with all the 'A-level stress' I complain about. I learned that karyotyping is extremely hard and boring (except for Razak, its so fun for you). I learned about behind the scenes hospital drama, the importance of good timing, communication and overall preserving of relationships, especially between labs and doctors. 

I also learned that choosing healthcare over law feels like the absolute right choice for me.

There's so much going on in providing healthcare, and every single department plays its important and significant part. Pathologist and the people working in the labs, reading your slides and analysing your samples, are some of the most remarkable unsung heroes in the healthcare industry. Like really, nobody ever gets to see what they do. But their part is just as important as the doctors and the nurses and everybody else. 

A shout out to the team;  Aziey, Nas, Kak Sue, Afif, Razak, Sayyidi, Asyraf and Fariq. Thank you for letting me follow you around, and layaning me when I ask way too many questions. For letting me basically kacau you and teaching me a lot of things, even sitting down and printing things out and giving me lectures. For helping me confirm that this is the field I want to venture into. InsyaAllah I'll still see you all from time to time, good luck with the lab and your personal quest, you have my best wishes.

Also, I've been happy lately. Alhamdullilah.

Go and pursue what you want to do, even if its something nobody expects you to do (I still get, wait what YOU'RE NOT DOING LAW OR ECONS, lol). And don't be afraid to try new things or to apply for learning opportunities. Just send that email, worse thing that will happen is they reject you :)

My second internship is starting this Monday, at a pharmacy department in a hospital this time. Fingers crossed that it'll be just as good as an experience.

Last few pics !

Love,

Mirr

Ilmira overthinks : Somewhere only we know by Keane

When I drive alone, I put the music on really loud and sing, and sometimes I realllllly feel the song. Then I start overthinking and  looking back at life and it leaves me emotionally charged.

This song came on when I was driving home from meeting up with a bunch of primary school friends, gave me the feels, you know?

We go through life and cross paths with so many people. Not everyone will be relavant, but  more often than not people leave pockets of  memories for you to look back at from time to time. Now Im not attaching a value judgement to these memories, I hope most for you are good, but sometimes they are bad. Its like we go to temporary places with the people we meet and sometimes the pictures we end up with are just plain horrible. But the point is, its all temporary.

In my opinion, thats pretty tough to swallow.

 People  always come and people will definitely go, in one way or another. You've probably heard this a million times, and I personally am so sick of having this slapped across my conscience. Sometimes, I feel like when you realize you've lost contact with someone, I wish I had no good memories of them. It makes it so much easier to deal with, no, 'omg I was so happy'. Emphasis on the was, because past happiness kind of makes me sad.

But then I realize Im wishing for a life of bad experiences. Hold up Mirr, lets think this through.

You don't own somebody just because you've had a couple, or heck even a truck load, of memories with them. You can never own anyone, and nobody can ever own you. There is no bond that is inseparable, some bonds much stronger than others but ultimately, human relationships aren't meant to span forever, save the relationship you have with yourself.

So if it wont last, why bother?

Because even though we're all on individual paths, maybe we need to leave a mark on other people to help them through theirs. Maybe someones mark on you in vital for your own journey. Be it good or bad, the people that matter will always leave with a lesson, a sliver of hope, some sort of revelation. So the next time you find that the your time with somebody is up, after you've greived what you have to, focus on where that relationship brought you. Don't fret too much about controlling relationships- ending them abruptly or prolonging them unessacarily. Just focus on giving what you can and taking what you should, things will end when they have to. I mean don't just leave it up to faith and be all like, ok not gonna try, but you should'nt go into relationships with the urge to let go immediately, and you should let go when you must.

Have faith that once you've touched someone, they'll always have a special place for you, maybe not where it originally was, but you're there. So in that sense, theres no such thing as losing anyone completely is there? If our beings are temporary then so is our physical presence. Maybe the only permanent things we have are abstract; the experiences we've had, the memories others have of us, and the souls we've touched.

But its nice, to keep in touch. To be able to visit places, special ones, with the people who were once so important to us. Its tough to have to go through good memories alone, like walking through empty houses that you once shared with somebody. Its easiest then to remember it bad, to paint out everything like it was always faulty. But hey, nothing is ever purely good or purely bad, you have to accept two things ; 1) That people are allowed to and will inevitably leave you and 2) You owe it to those who have meant something to you to give them full credit for the good, and you owe it to yourself to give full credit for the bad.

 Alhamdullilah, I keep in contact with a lot of my friends, most of the people who matter are still actively sharing experinces with me. The ones that aren't actively in my life, I can meet up and revisit old places, like I did earlier tonight. And for the ones that I can't, Im grateful that there is not one relationship that I am not thankful for. In retrospect, I've had amazing experiences with people, there is not one relationship where I look back, and the first thing I remember is the bad.

Although its nice to revisit the our memories, its never really the same. Memories may be the nearest reflection of special moments but they are truly never accurate. You can look back with everyone who was there with you or you could look back alone, but you'll never be able to really be in that moment ever again. So ultimately, its important to enjoy what you have, to live in the moment and give it all you've got.

So what we do with the memories?

They are my training wheels. I put them on my back wheels, behind me to remind myself that the past does not define me and I should not keep looking at it, but always there to help me strive on, that I've always always encountered good scenery, even on the bumpiest of roads.

How about you?

Love,
Mirr

Disclaimer ! I have no attachment to this song, it was never 'the song' for me and anybody, not a friend or anything. It just got me thinking of memories and revisiting th past.

Friends for keeps

Yesterday night, I met up with a bunch of my friends who I've known since early high school.

I made plans to Iftar with Mire and Acai, since its been a while since I properly hanged out with these two. Since these two friends have been dealing with me for so long now, and life has been testing them  quite a lot recently, I decided to treat them to dinner at Nook, Aloft Kuala Lumpur. They gave us a elevated table which was sort of sectioned off from the crowd, which was nice because Mire and I can get extremely embarrassing in public  comfortable around each other. 

So Mire carries around a bunch of plasters. She's very prone to falling down and bruising herself so its basically necessary. As you can see she's pretty proud about it. Acai battled with the coffee machine 3 times. He got pretty fed up, it was real cute to watch lol. We loaded up on the Ramadan buffet and ended up absolutely stuffed.

Background info!

Amirah (I mean Mire) and I went to the same high school (TKC), which was an all girls government boarding school. We got placed in the same dorm in Form 1, and in the same class from Form 2 up till our senior year. But to be fair, I don't think we needed all this setting up. We got close overanalysing books, movies, songs and overall concepts, and eventually got labelled 'pembangkang kelas' for all our crazy questioning. We're almost polar opposites, but she's been by my side through everything and I absolutely love her.

I had a crush on Faisal (read : Acai) in Form 2. We we're both the reserves in our respective debate teams and we met at HKSBP in Kelantan. He was one year older and probably the best looking guy in the whole tournament. A few tournaments and years later, I realised we make better friends than we ever would a couple, and we've been that way ever since. He's the elder brother figure in my life, and I appreciate his harsh advice all the time.

Oh yeah, Im also their favourite 3rd wheel. 

After we were done with dinner, we met up with Jason, Kelvin and Razzaq. We headed to Sakae Sushi since they hadn't eaten yet, and later chilled at Aloft's rooftop pool. It has a great view and they had bean bags out so it was great to just chill and catch up.

Jason, Razzaq, and Kelvin were also friends I met via debate. Here's a pic of us back in 2013, when we all represented Malaysia in Turkey. 

It was a big deal this reunion, because Razzaq left for the UK to do A levels and Jason to Costa Rica to do IB at UWC, and it was the first time I would meet the both of them, together, after a year of being in three different time zones. I've gotten real close to this two, Razzaq and I are eternally shipped (we are not in love, sorry to disappoint!)  and Jason gives the best hugs ever, and it works. It was so so good to see them, I kept taking candid photos of the two (I'm kind of clingy so...)

It was such a great night, being around friends who have stuck around for me for literally years. I went home feeling so loved, and before I went to bed, I thought about how lucky I am. 

Its easy to not count the the blessings you have when you've hit a low, its so easy to forget all that you have. But you should always try, because if you keep focusing on the things you don't have, you miss out on all the gems you have in your hands. Yesterday reminded me that I am blessed with so many people who love me, who have put up with my ever changing life choices and chose to be there for me, literally no matter what. So if you ever need a pick me up, make plans with old friends, and make it a point to think only good things, stop playing with your phone, and just, enjoy the company. It makes such a difference, and I know its common sense, but its something so many of us forget. 

I truly am blessed. Even now Im at Saida's, in my kaftan with smores and Iced Peach Tea. I can only hope to be as much a a friend to all these people as they are to me.

Takeaway of the day :

Give credit to those who love you.

Love, 

Mirr

Redefinition

So, I've probably typed out ten different introductory sentences, theres something about firsts that makes me kind of nervous and excited. But ya know what, lets start with being honest.

Hi, I don't really know what to say.

Except that I've been having this urge to start a blog. I've had tumblr before this, and I treated it pretty much like a blog, but it was tumblr, you know. Its not a blog, you know? Its just a whole different aura, whole different ball game and everything, and I decided to switch because I think this is me growing up.

Okay, my friends who know me in real life are probably laughing. "Mirr you haven't grown an inch since form 2" but I mean this, dare I say, spiritually. I just recently turned 19 (ok not thatt recent) but thinking about it, Im going to be 20 next year! So I've been making some transitions, a sort of redefining period.

For example, I've started using musky-er scents. My dad is big on smelling good and has brought me up to find my own 'scent' or whatever. I usually go for sweet smells, and stay away from musky perfumes. But just recently I switched to Dahlia Divin, Givenchy's newest fragrance. I love it, its definitely far from my usual Petite Cherie by Annick Goutal, which smells like cherries. In fact its, patchouli based with top notes of mirabelle plum (MIRAbelle, see its so me), and definitely smells older. It fits though, and I love it.

But its more than just smelling different haha.

I also feel more (don't laugh) mature. Just generally more grown up, and it feels like I have a whole new mindset. So I decided to take the leap, from tumblr to an actual blog.

Whether you've followed me from tumblr or just stumbled across this space, Hello. Thanks for reading my semi-awkward introductions. Im waiting to go to my internship right now so Ill probably post this up during my lunch-break, but Im already planning to blog again tonight. Also, give me a while to get used to editing here, for now, appreciate this ultra minimal template :)

Here's to new beginnings, and a refined me.

Love,

Mirr