Rindu 1

I miss Malaysian sunsets.

How all the colors in the sky melt into an exploding gradient, an orange, pink and blue sorbet if you will. Contrasting colors entwining together as easily as my fingers with yours, whilst walking - at a pace so lax it is almost a waltz - down a road which you have welcomed me to call home. The days here dont end with sunsets. There is no dragged out period for comfort and contemplation with company and cuddles, no melting sky or smitten hearts. The birds don't fly across the horizon, because quite frankly, London pigeons are much too fat. No music blasting Thunder to remind me that just like the day, summer comes to an end, but even then its all beautiful. We were, beautiful.

No, here, there is sun up and sun down. When the day is done, it turns dark, and on the mostly, I am fingers in pockets and reflecting on the day Ive had. It is direct, focused - much like the student I aspire to become. Straight to the point, get it over and done with. I have worked to come to a city of workers, and with years of prayers, hopes and dreams in tow, I am grateful to be here, experiencing these sunset-less days. I am living my dream.

But sometimes I crave the Malayan sunsets, a time you call 'the golden hour.' I even miss the KL jams we got stuck in, the residue of sun on our faces, comfortable even in silence. We've sat in cars, cafes and couches together while the sun was bidding the sky adieu, all the while knowing that with every rolling sunset together, our goodbye was only going to be tougher. But for all the ease in this world, I would not give up the pleasure of witnessing the world transition from day to night with someone who transitioned from stranger to most treasured company, if it meant this would be any easier for me.

Love from London,

Mirr

Super cozy

Its been about two weeks since I've arrived in London, and I think its safe to say that I have gotten used to the most things here. The cold still gets to me, and my skin is still adjusting to the weather, but other than that, I'm beginning to be able to get past the whole 'every is new' view point and take some time to really appreciate the things around me. I'm also learning a whole lot about myself, but one thing I did not expect is how much I appreciate coziness.

While most people would be out are enjoying the combination of freshers events, a newfound freedom that comes naturally with zero supervision and the fact that studies aren't too crazy just yet, I am coming to realise that there is no place I'd rather be than in my bed with some hot chocolate in hand. I enjoy cleaning my room, I talk to my plants and discounts at grocery stores make me more excited than anything. I'm trying to get into the habit of cooking actual, whole meals and bringing packed lunch to uni so I can save some money and sit in the park opposite my faculty. I love keeping warm - though its still a little aesthetic>warmth for me, but my logic is I need to wear all my cute not-so-warm outfits asap cause its only going to get colder #winteriscoming.

Usually, I'm asleep by 10.30pm and I'm awake by 7am. Even now (10.34) my body is already begging me to get under the duvets. In short, I'm turning into my mother.

It's not all that bad, but it definitely is surprising to me. I was the girl in the Facebook group asking about freshers wristbands 3 weeks before enrolling, but it turns out that Mira is actually full on domestic house cat. Ayah would be super pleased to know that its bed over clubs any day for me LOL.

But I guess thats what solitude does to you; it teaches you about yourself. 

Don't get me wrong, I've made friends guys! But most of the time I'm just doing things by myself. It's different, its not like a depressing kind of I'm alone, but its like, independence. And its good. Its not special or anything, everyone here is just totally relying on themselves more than anything, you don't really have a choice! But I'm enjoying it, I feel like a mature block of cheese.

Okay guys, wayyyy past my bedtime, I'll talk you to all soon

Love from London,

Mira

How do I make friends again?

I think I'm a friendly person.

Being an extrovert is something I definitely identify with. And despite some people telling me that I may come off as slightly intimidating, I'd like to think I'm pretty approachable, pretty friendly, pretty kool.

So the whole of last week I had induction, which was my first real encounter with being in university. I know, I know, inductions aren't usually reflective of what really goes down and tend to be boring and dragged out, but I was quite excited for it. It might have been the whole 'I travelled so far and worked so hard to be here' mindset, but yes, I was starry-eyed and snapping pictures to send to my loved ones. I think UCL is beautiful, and since I have to walk to get everywhere, I've been feeling rather touristy in my campus. But anyway, thats besides the point.

So I was excited; excited to see the faculty, excited to make new friends, excited to enter this whole new independent uber adult chapter in life. The least of my worries was making new friends because, hey, I'm friendly, I'm an extrovert, I make friends all the time. Easy peasy, piece of cake.

But oh mannnnnnnnnnn, I was wrong.

Being in a place where nobody knows anything about you, at all, makes you feel very small. Now that coupled with the fact that you are a foreigner, theres a crowd where everyone flocks with people who look like themselves and you don't really fit in into any place (#ethinicallyambigious) I was, perhaps for the first time in absolute years, really scared of making new friends.

Ah yes, I, Ilmira, all smiles and super talkative wanted to crawl into a ball and die of nervousness. 

I know it all sounds negative, but I'm not taking it has a total bad thing. Part of the reason why I wanted to come to a different country was to push my boundaries, get out of my comfort zone, and man its doing just that. In Malaysia, in almost every new place I'm at, theres bound to be someone who's heard of me somewhere; whether its from debate, or some super juicy gossip, or a friend of a friend, all this pre-knowing made it so easy for me to make friends. But now, when all that is gone, now what do you do Mirr, NOW WHAT.

I've been fighting the urge to pick up my phone and text my significant other. Been making the initiative to start the convo first, and yes, it gets weird after 5 minutes of silence, you're sitting next to this girl and the both of you are just...sitting there.... and turning around and saying 'HI' now would be a little weird but hey, DO IT. Making conversation is as easy as asking basic questions like, 'Are you from London?' , 'Its cold isn't it?' , 'What did you do yesterday?'. And the worsttttt thing that could happen is the conversation goes a little flat, but the best thing that could happen, you find someone who teaches you a lot, who helps you develop and is all around a great person to know and be with.

So yeah, this post is just a little shoutout to everyone who's ever or is currently struggling with making new friends. I know its not easy.  But I'm pretty sure everyone is feeling a little nervous too, so go ahead and say hi, compliment someone on something, complain about the weather to a stranger, do something. And on the worst of your days, remember that its completely normal, and even the most friendly/open/outgoing of people who share their lives on the internet (like me lol) gets a little nervous too.

Love from London,

Mirr