On worship

I live in a world where what I wear matters more than what I believe in.

Or at least thats what Ive come to observe.

I was schooled in a system which graded me on how much of the Quran I could memorize. To be honest, I never cared about whether or not I understood what it was I was reading. Religion, to me, was a set of rules. You get told to do, you do or face judgement (honestly, by peers more than anything). That is, up till my senior years in high school, when I finally took the initiative to read the translations of the verses. And you know what I learned?

The Quran has pages and pages and pages emphasizing on worship, on belief from the heart, on Iman. Majority of the scripture asks you to do one simple thing, believe, and it teaches you the properties of Allah, how if mercy were water, there would be no ocean in this world that could hold his mercy. It taught me of humility, modesty, and most importantly, to believe. 

It did not spend chapters and pages telling me that I had to cover my hair. 

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that I live a sinless life. I don't dress like the most religious of people, and I've faced my fair amount of human judgement for it. I honestly understand your concern.

But I really can't help but wonder, while I get anonymous comment and hear rumors stating that I am blasphemous, unworthy of respect and out of my mind, does a cloth on my head make me Muslim?

I do not have a lot of knowledge about Islam, I admit, but for most of my life, religion scared me. I grew up learning a version of Islam and quite honestly, got frightened by it. At 19 I decided, I want to learn to love Allah more than I fear him. I think that is important, don't you?

I still don't expect anybody to understand my decision, but I just ask, if you have advice for me, want to teach me, have questions or want to discuss religion, please, anonymous, mean comments wont further your cause in any way. Non muslims and muslims who are unsure will only get more frightened. Instead, either ask to meet with me or contact me personally. I enjoy learning and am open to any sort of comment, I just don't think anonymous and public is the way to go. My email is ilmiramurni@yahoo.com , or ask me for my number.

At the end of the day, Islam is my connection with Allah. Not human judgement, not a rigid rulebook; worship is a personal, sacred and precious thing. I pray that we all find our peace and happiness, for I think thats an integral part of worship. 

I am sorry for anyone I might have offended with this post, and thank you, for everyone who has been kind.

Assalamualaikum, May Peace be Upon you.

Choosing an education path

My little sister Dina has no idea what to pursue in her tertiary education, and my heart breaks whenever she gets stressed about it. I don't know how many of you are in her position, but if you are, I feel you. I mean, theres definitely pressure and every.single.family.gathering its an interrogation on your plans for the future. I've been there, I never always knew what I wanted to do and truth be told, I don't even know for sure now! (omg hope my sponsors don't read my blog.....)

But for anyone whos currently in that rut, this post is for you.

Currently I'm doing A levels, the plan is to get into uni and pursue Pharmacy in the UK. It wasn't always the plan though. All throughout high school, with my debating and need to keep speaking out against anything and everything, I thought hah, its in my genes to become a lawyer! I must do law, it is my calling, I love law, I know nothing about it at 16 and I love it, I just know! 

So I applied to lots and lots of scholarships, all stating that ' Hi big company, I am the lawyer for you'. I was so damn sure of myself, its kinda funny. Got rejected by allll my scholarships except one, and I went through 3 interview rounds telling them about my dreams as a lawyer. Got through all 3, and then I had a 6 month interval between the 3rd interview and the final one, during which, my whole take on education changed.

I worked in the hospital my dad works in for two months, but mostly in managing because I was convinced that I was an arts gal and no way in hell was I going to do anything close to science. My parents knew I wanted to do law, so they brought me to see a friend of theirs who was a lawyer. And my god, I hated her office. I hated all the cases she had to read, and all the paperwork, and the whole feel of it all. She showed me her robe that she wears when she goes into court and it felt like a straight jacket on me. I needed to get out of there.

And so I did, and I cried, cause my whole wanting to be a lawyer dream got crushed and I felt so damn lost. 

I asked my parents to bring me to meet a lot of their friends from different professions (bless my parents, I love them so much) and I still felt kinda lost. I didn't know what to do, and part of me wanted to settle on becoming a lawyer because I was kinda good at talking in public. People told me I should too, one teacher told me I had a talent and 'it was my duty to use it, GO DO LAW' . But I didnt want to be unhappy. Call me petty but happiness is my top priority in life, and I don't plan on sacrificing that to be good at a job with so.much.paperwork. It just wasn't for me, and I give props to all my friends and all the lawyers out there, I could never do what you do.

Around that time I made friends with a nurse, and she let me follow her on her daily rounds at the hospitals. And I loved it! I love the hospital, I loved the environment, I love walking around carrying syringes and pills and stuff. I skipped my lunch breaks to follow her, and I got to talk to people from all departments. Got to see the pediatric ward, my dad showed me the labs and how all the machines work. And I knew, I had to get into this environment. Its they only way Id live a fulfiling life. I for sure didn't want to do anything that involved sitting at a desk all day, and even if it meant pursuing subjects that I wasn't comparatively naturally good at, I would do it. 

I decided pharmacy because, well, I didn't want to be a doctor. My mom is a doctor and she works so hard, I just really couldn't do that. I can't be on call and all, I want the ability to run home to the lovinf arms of my husband (hehe). Pharmacy was just one of the degrees I could've pursued, theres a lot of allied health degrees that aren't given enough attention if you ask me. I picked it because it made sense. I went into my decision not really knowing what to expect, but after doing some internships and studying some science and hearing some talks, Im pretty happy with my decision. And thank god my sponsors were willing to sponsor me despite the change in interests, they got quite a shock in the final interview. I think Allah was on my side on that day and lembutkan their hati as lembut as it can be. 

So my advice, first, accept the fact at you won't fully know what you want to do at every point in your life, or what pursuing a certain degree would require of you in the future. I decided to pick the environment I wanted to work in, and find a degree that will get me there. Some environments don't require specific degrees, so you can go ahead and pursue your interests. But for me, working in a hospital meant I had to do healthcare. And if I ever change my mind about it, its okay, you can branch out. So many people have told me that you can do literally anything once you have your degree, and Ive seen enough examples to believe that. I don't find chemistry easy, but I find that a challenging subject is worth it in the long run, if I get my ticket to work in the right environment for me.

Now, thats my personal experience, you can choose your education paths in whatever way you want, and you definitely wont be alone in making that choice. Whether its choosing based on what you like, what you're good at, or even what your parents tell you, remember that itll all work out if you let it work out, and you can extract happiness and money from other ways haha. Hope this helped!

Love,

Mirr

Beauty

I am not mass media and overall society's idea of beauty. I am well aware of that.

There is a small percentage of people who naturally fit into the narrow definition of beauty in the eyes of the masses. There are more people who don't fit in than there are people who do ; I do not believe that there are so many ugly human beings.

I am not mass media and overall society's idea of beauty. But I am a mixture of my father and mother, who I think are both beautiful. I am my family's idea of beauty, I am my friends idea of beauty. My boyfriend tells me Im pretty every day, even when I'm literally undeserving of the compliment. I am convinced he is talking about my soul more than my face.

I think thats an even bigger compliment.

Most importantly, I am my idea of beauty.

I refuse to compete with a photoshopped picture that took days to perfect. I am a real life human being, look me in the eyes and tell me thats not beautiful.